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Nothing
by JAPOV - 05/01/26 04:06 PM
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For Dom
by JAPOV - 04/30/26 09:52 PM
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 81
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 81 |
Trust In My Love
trust me with my love, trust me when i say i
love you.trust me when you ask if i did
something and i reply with that i didn't do
believe me with what i tell you not what
others say. trust my love for you for its
only you i want to spend my dying day for
its only with you trust me with eternity
trust me to stand by you. trust me to create
the memories bad ones very few. believe me
when i tell you i love you . you and only
you. believe me when i say ill be there for
you and there nothing i wouldn't do. take
my love and hold it near for my love is a
sacred gift i am giving to only you dear.
trust in the way you make me feel trust
yourself to know that its real. listen to
your heart listen to mine also.follow your
heart always and follow it down the aisle
i love you today,tomorrow,forever
Copyright ©2008 PennyLapsley
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 356
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 356 |
Penny,
This seems like something that would be recited rather than sung. I don't really see this in a standard song format maybe if you broke in to verses and gave it a chorus.
Kennan
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 407
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 407 |
Hi Penny,
This has a good sentiment and is obviously heartfelt. However, reading a long paragraph with random punctuation made my eyes glaze over and I had flashbacks of reading Jame Joyce's "Ulysses" in college (his entire last chapter lacked any punctuation.)
To make it more readable, I would break it up something like this:
trust me with my love,
trust me when i say i love you.
trust me when you ask if i did something
and i reply with that i didn't do
believe me with what i tell you
not what others say.
trust my love for you
for its only you i want
to spend my dying day
for its only with you
trust me with eternity
trust me to stand by you.
trust me to create
the memories bad ones very few.
believe me when i tell you
i love you and only you.
believe me when i say
ill be there for you
and there nothing i wouldn't do.
take my love and hold it near
for my love is a sacred gift
i am giving to only you dear.
trust in the way you make me feel
trust yourself to know that its real.
listen to your heart
listen to mine also.
follow your heart always
and follow it down the aisle
i love you today,tomorrow,forever
Word choice:
Some of your phrasing and word choice made me say, "What?"
1. "with that i didn't do" if you are speaking here it needs to be in quotes.
2. "believe me with what i tell you not what others say." I would change this to "believe me when I tell the truth, not what other say."
3. "for its only you i want to spend my dying day for its only with you" the second "for its only" is redundant and confusing.
4. "bad ones very few." Is there a reason you used this particular phrasing? It is not conversational and is awkward.
5. "ill" punctuation please! I had to read it twice because I thought you were sick (ill) instead of I'll.
I like the way you repeat phrases. I would go:
Verse 1
Trust me...
Trust me...
Trust me...
(another line)
Believe me...
Believe me...
Believe me...
(another line)
Trust me...
Trust me...
Trust me...
(another line)
Believe me...
Believe me...
Believe me...
(another line)
Follow me...
Follow me...
Follow me down the aisle
(last line).
Take my suggestions with a grain of salt. Your style may just be very different from mine and may work with the music you have in mind.
Best of luck,
Laura G.
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