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Finally got this recorded, and in the MP3 section. I know some of you have found it - and thanks.

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7096589

Talkin' Too Much

great luck
found you
you liked
me too

first date
grand time
prime rib
fine wine

no sleep
pure fun
I've come
Undone

Now I’m talkin’ too much
Feels like I can’t say enough
There’s just something about your love
That gets me talkin’ too much

I’m yours
you’re mine
no doubt
this time

fine pair
we are
true love
same star

my ring
good start
two souls
one heart

But I’m talkin’ too much
Seems like I can’t say enough
There’s just something about your love
Got me talkin’ too much

It's a good thing
There's no denyin'
Can't Keep
True love quiet

But I’m talkin’ too much
Seems like I can’t say enough
There’s just something about your love
Got me talkin’ too much
Feels like I can’t say enough
There is something about your love
That gets me talkin’ too much
Gets me talkin’ too much
Talkin’ too much
Talkin’

fixed per Wendy's suggestion
fixed per Rob's suggestion

Last edited by Barry Crannell; 11/28/08 03:42 PM.


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Well, I've got no nits to pick with this at all. wink I think it's charming, the verses (for want of a better word wink ) are clever and bright, and I love the way the 'singer' suddenly becomes effusive in the chorus.

Nice one, Barry. wink

Donna



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Life is too important to take seriously.






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Hey Barry the Bane!

This is
clever
Try this?
Never

Let me save some space in the universe for other words. "What Donna said".

me smile


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

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That's me - Mr. Effusive. If I keep trying to use less and less words, pretty soon I'll just have titles. Thanks Donna.

You're quite profuse yourself Beth. Thanks for checking in.

Barry



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Hi Barry. I like the simplicity of this. Fewer words often make a much more powerful statement. The chorus provides a unique contrast to the verses when the singer ends up being a bit more wordy, thus your title. Neat effect.

With music added, I can envision the verses rolling along slow and deliberate, choosing words carefully, and then the chorus just blurting out this guy's true feelings, almost babbling to the point of incoherence. Should make a really cool song. Hope the experiment pays off.

Greg


Last edited by Greg C. Brown; 10/06/08 10:50 PM.

If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding.
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Thanks a lot Greg. I've got music in my head - just need to record.

I haven't forgotten about your song, btw. Just been a little busy these days.

Later,

Barry



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Very neat. I think I may try this too. It may help me in learnign to condense.

Great job btw. Very clever.


Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
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Thanks Caroline - it was a fun challenge. Good luck. :-)



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Yes, this works.

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Hey Bro,
Cool Stuff!
Few Words
Say Enough!

Well-Said
I Like!
"KUDOS"
& G'Bye!

Good Luck with This Little Jewel
Feels Like a Method That's Cool
We Should ALL write one Just Like This TOO
In The "Less Is MORE School!"

Real Enjoyable Write, Amigo!
Best Wishes & a Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

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Well done! Completely understandable lyrics with so few words. I will be interested to see how the song sounds.


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


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Thanks everybody! I really appreciate the kudos (as we all do).
I'll get this thing recorded and put it on the other forum when I can.

Cheers,

Barry



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Barry,

This is pretty clever. I like the structure of this. It's kind of like an E.E. Cummings poem, with a very visual presentation that makes you hear the music in your head. My only suggestion is to swap out a few words in the first two verses. You've used great three times and good once. Perhaps you had purposefully intended to use the repetition, but I would think if you were doing this, you would have carried that over to the next verse. Here's my .05 cents. I devalued my currency to reflect the current market value.

great luck
found you
you liked
me too

first date
grand time
prime rib
fine wine

no sleep
pure fun (double meaning here is it pure fun or unpure fun?)
I've got
someone

Of course, what do I know? Keep or sweep, as they say.

anyone lived in a pretty how town
with up so floating many bells down


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GREAT suggestion Wendy - thanks!



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GOOD Luck with it!

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Hey Barry -

Really like this one as well. Cool concept, and well played. smile The only lines that trip me up after the latest rewrite are the last two:

old souls
warm hearts

"Old souls" feels a little new agey to me (not that there's anything wrong with that smile ), and that doesn't seem to fit in a love song like this, MOO (My Opinion Only wink ). Plus there's no conceptual interplay between them either on another level (i.e. "warm" doesn't relate to "old," etc.). If you're buyin' what I'm sellin', then a possible rewrite could be:

two souls
one heart

Fun one! Nice work. Looking forward to hearing it.


Rob's Music is also on SoundCloud
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Rob - SOLD!! Thanks for that - there was something odd about that pairing.



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hi Barry
I like it too
but I'm not coming up with
a clever rhyme response like so many do.

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Clever 'nuff. Thanks Tom. :-)



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Finally recorded in the MP3 area.

Cheers,

Barry



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Hey Barry,

Delightful!!!

Hugs,
Flooz


They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you.

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Heya Flooz!!!

Thanks a lot for having a listen! You are clearly too busy these days. Miss the chats. Very verbose aren't I?

bc



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Barry, cool tune, nice work.Rhymeskeem is workin for me ,love the prosidy of the song.Has a Tom Petty flavor yet really Folky flow .The melody makes ya want to hear it over and over .Repetition is great! Nice work.S.Dee

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awesome concept here..well written and played..great job..couldn't find a spot to nit pick on..so just compliments are all you get hope you don't mind =)

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I agree with the posters. No need to say more. Brilliant. Nice song. Great hook-- now, I am saying too much. ;-) Kimberlyinnc


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
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Thanks a lot S.Dee, Brandon, Kimberlyinnc. I appreciate the comments - even just the positive ones brandon. :-)

Barry



"the older I get, the better I was"

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