JPF Home Page Forums General Messages Songwriter Message Forum Your positive and negative songs.

What are your positive songs? What are your sad songs? Of the songs you have written, how many are positive and how many are negative?

Here's the Billboard top 100.

http://www.billboard.com/bbcom/charts/chart_display.jsp?g=Singles&f=The+Billboard+Hot+100

These are the songs that people buy, what is the ratio of positive to negative songs? Does that reflect the ratio of songs you write?

Even the most negative / angry songs I got, have some kind of a positive message to them Usually they are the songs of conflict.

Mike,

I have written over 600 songs, so I didn't go back and do a literal count. Also, about 150 are instrumentals. But, of those that have a lyric, I briefly glanced through about 70 - 80 of them. I came up with about a 60 - 40 ratio, positive to negative/sad, respectively. The ballads are probably 85% - 90% negative/sad. They are mostly love gone bad or human tragedy driven.

To the contrary, about 75% of the up-tempo songs are positive, life ias good type messages. of the up-tempo songs that are negative/sad, they are usually a mildly humorous take on love gone bad or a humorous event.

I think it is easier to write sad songs because they come with more powerful emotion and generally touch on subject matter to common to a greater percentage of the listener. it kind of parallels the film industry...sex, humor and tragedy are always good themes.

But, regarding my instrumentals, I can also also classify them as sad or positive. They are 65% - 70% positive.

I try to keep in mind, as I answer this, that the definitions of positive, negative and sad might differ a bit from one person another. Thus, I replied using my own definitions. I think my definitions are priobably pretty standard.

Interesting thread. Thanks for asking!

Alan

Well,
Lets see. Would you say the Hank Williams song, YOUR CHEATING HEART is a Negative song and the Hank Williams song, SETTIN' THE WOODS ON FIRE is a Postive song?

Would you say the the Marty Robbins song, I'LL GO ON ALONE is a Negative song and the Marty Robbins song, THE STORY OF MY LIFE a Postive song?

If so I probably have more negative songs than postive songs.

I tend, as was once stated by Anthony Torres (is he still around??), to write mostly positive / nice lyrics. (In fact he (A T) once said of my material that I had cornered the 'nice' song market.)

I did not go back and do an actual count either from my books but I believe that I do write mostly positive songs in that I try to find the humor or the good in all my endeavours.

They, positive songs, tend to come easily (??) if I can say any of my lyrics were easy.

Douglas

I don't recognize any of the songs in the top ten. That says something... could be I'm a cru.., curmug..., stick-in-the-mud

So what fraction of those Billboard chart songs are positive?

And, as Ray pointed out, what is a positive song? Is it one of those "I know it when I hear it things?"

"Like a Rolling Stone" always shows up at the top of the polls of best songs. Dylan didn't get the memo, I guess. Is "Hey Jude" positive or negative? "Satisfaction" by the Stones? "Let it Be"?

I wonder what about movies? Casablanca shows up on everybody's list of favorites. He gave up the love of his life at the end. Positive or negative? Was positive for Paul Henreid, I guess.

And the movie usually considered to be the best ever? Citizen Kane - Hard to put a positive spin on that one....

Actually, the argument is probably that you should do positive songs in bad times. I'd like to see a study on that - both for movies and songs. Is the reverse true? Good times call for sad songs?

Just rambling, trying to avoid doing any work...

Scott

I run about 60-30 negative and 10 ambiguous. Ironically my positive ones tend to get placed it T.V shows and make me $$$$

Seems my songs are like me, positive, no matter what the day, or a verse may have in it that may seem negative for a brief time.

Even two sad songs of mine, (if actually taken that way by some listeners), speaks positively about the subjects of the song, and my overall viewpoint as the singer.

I have hope, so do my songs contain hope. The songs in a big way ARE me.

Guys,

You have to discount two things, and I am going to say this till the day I die. If you are the artist or the hit writer you can do ANYTHING. As far as I know, none of you have compiled a lot of stuff. And times have changed. This is not 1955 or 1965. Hank and Martie are dead and not recording that much any more/.
The average country music fan now is very glad that "Old whiny country stuff doesn't exist any more." And they are buying the records. It really just depends on what you want to do with your music.

MAB

Preach it, brother. It's been said for years here, there's a glut of sad, bittersweet, angry, slow, lecturing, introspective, artsy, self conscious,or moody...generally, negative songs. They are much easier to write.

You beat me to the punchline. I was going to exclude the negative songs written by the artist from the Billboard list.

I've always contended that a new writer needs "door openers," songs that get the attention of the filters. Those are these days ( just as they were 26 years ago when I was listening to songs for Ed Bruce's publishing company, and a few years later when I was writing at Pride Music, Charley Pride's company ) "up, positive songs." A stunningly good, up, positive song will get the doors open. It's the ticket in to the park. It's the ante to the game.

Marc, please describe to the folks a good "door opener." Maybe use a well known song that is the kind that would start to get an unknown noticed.

All the Best,
Mike

This whole concept took the top of my head off last week and continues to make me think. There is no doubt in my mind that a positive song is both more appealing and harder to write.

Listen, we all know and love sad songs. (I've even heard that they say so much.) They tend to be the most meaningful to us writers on a personal basis. They're cathartic and deep and all that. It's not that there's no place for them. But what's getting me is that I never really thought about this before. So I see it as an excellent challenge, and also a new question to ask myself whenever I write something: is this good enough to transcend the idea that it's going to bring a lot of people down?

Yeah, I'll still write negative songs...but I intend to write a whole lot less of them. Looking back on my catalog, man, I've got plenty.

oops!

Kevin

Mike: I written a "door opener" -- what now?

Kevin

THANK YOU, MARC!!!!

I've been amember of JPF for over 8 years and have said this repetitively, in one form or another, the whole time. And almost every time I do, I get poo-pooed by the traditionalists.

In a nutshell, as far as I am concerned, as the industry evolves, so must your writing if you want to be a factor. There are always exceptions...but that's what they are...exceptions. And, by definition, exceptions are few and far between.

Thank you again!

Alan

Alan,

If there is one constant besides the one that music evolves, it is that every generation bitches about the one coming up.

In the 1910's people from the 1900's complained about that Damn John Phillip Sousa and his loud band.

In the 20's people from the 10's complained about that "Damn jazz flapper music.

In the 30's, people from the 20's complained about that damn "Ragtime jazz."

in the 40's people from the 30's people complained about those damn big band music, with that evil Frank Sinatra.

In the 50's, people from the 40's complained about that damn
Elvis Presly, Bill Haley and that loud rock and roll.

In the 60;s, people from the 50;s complained about those damn Beatles Mop tops and later the drugged out hippies.

In the 70's, people from the 60's complained about that damned acid rock and then the constant beat of disco.

In the 80's, the people from the 70's complained about the "corporate rock" and everybody "selling out."

In the 90's, everyone from the 80's complained about that Damned Seattle Grunge music and garage bands.

In the 2000's, everybody from the 90's complains that country is not the country of Garth Brooks.

Well, it isn't. Music doesn't stay stagnant and changes. it might not be what you want it to, but it changes. You can change with it, inject your own touch on it, or not.

It's always easy to complain. Harder to do something about it.

MAB

My career in Nashville started on April 4, 1988 at a quarter to one in the morning at Douglas Corner cafe. I had shown up at 6:00 pm, was the first to sign up for the show and the last to play. The featured guest brought her 17 friends. I always started my three song set with a song called "The Grand Opening" a funny song about a guy playing onstage getting all kinds of notes up and thinking he is getting song requests.:

"Do you know your fly is standing open?
"Do you know your zipper is undone"
"As you might have guessed, those were my first requests,
"And I'd never even heard of either one!"

I finished my three songs and a guy came over to me and asked for a copy of my funny songs. He was not in the music business.
But six months later, I would see him out and he would tell me they had been trying to find me over at Tree, the biggest publisher in Nashville at that time.
His roomate had been working in the tape room at Tree and started playing my songs up the ladder. While playing them on the stereo in the vice president's office, and a producer, Billy Sherril, who discovered Tammy Wynette and George Jones was walking by and ended up cutting one of my other songs on Shelby Lynne's first album. That was my first cut.
Now, if I had not had a "door" opener song, about something silly, and then backed it up with a dozen well written, well recorded songs, I might have just languashed around with all of the other writers doing their whiney stuff.
The door opener does just that, opens relationships, makes people want to know you. I strongly suggest it.

MAB

LOL

What a great idea for a song!

Scott

50 Ways to Pitch Your Demo

(With apologies to Paul Simon)


The demo's done and the producer said to me,
I don't think that I've ever heard a song so perfectly,
This is Nashville, it is money, it is just like radio,
There must be 50 Ways to Pitch Your Demo.

Give your motor a rev, Kev,
Hop on the road, Joe,
Come down to Nashville, Arvill,
And get you a hit.
Don't sit on your butt, Mutt,
No time to be shy, Ty,
Start walkin' the street, Pete,
And get you a hit

But it's so hard, Mike and my old couch is so soft,
And I have a sneezing fit each time I turn the tv off,
And it's really quite relaxing sitting here in my old loft,
So please tell me what the magic secret is.
So Mike sat down to type at his computer screen,
He said, the secret is there's only one guarantee,
If you don't play the game, then a winner you won't be,
So let me say again about the fifty ways.

Just get off the bed, Fred,
Write a new line, Kline,
Make a good plan, Ann,
And get you a hit,
Make a lot of friends, Ben,
Pass out a lot of cards, Marv,
Cowrite a lot, Mott,
And get you a hit,
Get yourself known Jones,
Rewrite 'til you're blue, Boo,
Learn to produce, Bruce,
And get you a hit,
Get into the line, Brian,
Be a helping hand, Stan,
Go to writer's nights, Ike
And get you a hit,
Don't ever quit, Skip
Don't go feeling down, Brown,
Put a smile on your face, Ace
And get you a hit,
Always stay Jolly, Dolly
Don't call our stuff crap, Chap,
The business ain't scary, Mary,
Just get you a hit,
Make a big fuss, Russ,
Leave no stone unturned, Ern,
Meet a lot of folks, Doak,
And get you a hit,
Act like it's a job, Bob,
Don't just wait for luck, Chuck,
Don't go acting mean, Jean,
And get you a hit.

Scott,

You are using reverse research to make your point. All of the things you mention are from several years back. For the past 15 years we have had the Internet, and the world got incredibly more competitive.
You can write negative. Puts you in good company. 95% of the writers and songs that come through here do that. Out of 96 songs on a writers night I was at last week, 11 were positive and mid tempo. And I did three of them. And I tend to get a lot of attention.
You are making the assumption that as a beginning writer someone is going to get to bring in a negative song, and start out on a roll with that. And I can guarantee you that is not going to happen in this day and age.
But Lord, people keep trying. And I welcome it. Thins out the competition. They are turned off at intros and second lines.
If you have no track record, you have no chance. But anyone can do it. And prove me wrong. Hasn't happened in my twenty years here but people can keep trying. Bring in a sad, negative song, as a new writer. See how long it stays on in the office of a music industry, artist, or producer, or record label. They are basically stacked on top of the other 2 million three hundred and ninty thousand other ones that are just like them in subject matter, approach, cliched' titles, lines.
You know, people like Rand, Mike and I are just the messengers here. You can get upset and complain and talk about all the songs out there on the radio and videos and make your case. And in pretty much every case, I can show you the story behind the song, the previous track record of the writer on the song, the artist, the record company official who made it happen. But you can keep bringing them up.
I would first suggest a little song research and find out what is really on the current charts. Might be interesting.

MAB

Mike,

Hey Marc:

I'm neither upset nor complaining. It is possible, I suppose, that I can be a little bit of a smart-ass.

I should not have gotten involved, as music is simply a hobby for me.

I will say this though - the advice you give is applicable in general and is not limited only to the music industry. When I got started in my line of work, I was convinced I was going to work in an old area of research and be highly successful. When I wasn't, I railed against the system. Not for too long though..

Because I got smart. I looked for current areas that required some of the knowledge I had and I hooked up with people who worked in those areas to build a track record. I was able to help them and they were able to help me. And it worked. I was still able to do what I was passionate about - only in a different setting than I had originally envisioned. Basically, I did in my line what you advocate doing. So I hope you keep fighting the good fight as your words ring true.

That doesn't mean I'll ever love country music though

Scott

Scott,

You can't push the river. Yes, it's as old as the hills. Of course, folks who do whatever as a hobby don't have to stay current. I have a little side hobby of surgery. I practice surgery as one would have in the civil war, using whiskey for anesthesia. My instruments are some I've collected in antique shops, including a wonderful set of bone handle saws of different sizes and shapes.

Mostly I've been practicing on my pets, I learned stitching on our pomeranian, Muffin. Luckily you can't see my first attempts with her long fur, it's pretty pathetic. But our beagle mix buddy has some of my best work, including a hand stitched fleur de lis where I neutered him.

Lately I've been sending out some promotional material to some of the civil war re-enactors. They occasionally have accidents and are in need of medical attention. I really want to try bleeding with leeches on someone other than myself.

Anyway, I know how you feel.

Scott,

I have liked you since you were torpedoing those guys on the forum about alternative energy the other day. Loved when you told them what your field of expertise is.

These threads should apply to everybody, whether you are trying to be a pro, or just the best writer in the room. You are very welcome on anything that I ever have anything to do with.

I think that if you look you can always find common ground. People that don't like country often find that there are some acts out there that might strike you as pretty cool.

The point of this thread is trying to get people to understand much of what we go through when we deal in situations where there are hundreds and thousands of songs, just like real life. I am always trying to get people to get outside themselves to be objective about their music or how they go about presenting and marketing it. I hope that is how it comes off anyhow.

If I am not clear or you have a dissagreement, let me know and I will do my best to clarify what I am saying.

Thanks for being here. I appreciate it.

MAB

LOL

Hmmm, what kind of whiskey? I might be willing....

You'd remember it was for the bleeding though and not the "buddy option", right?

Scott

It does, you are, and I dont...



Back atcha, Marc.

Scott

That's a different hobby, Scott.

Anyway,

What's your most positive song? Anybody? (doing my best Ben Stein impression.)

Mine would be my baseball song, "Opening Day", recorded by Sub and John Daubert:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=377550&songID=2777074

Why the most positive? Because it's about dreams and possibilities....

Scott

Yes, I can see why they played it for the Phillie's opener. Very positive. Mind a crit?

Never!

Scott

Uh...meaning yes or no?

Sorry about that.

I meant I always love to have critiques. I'm guessing it was the word "never" that was confusing.

Scott

Just making sure

I think it could be a bit faster. Also, I was listening on my computer speakers, but they're Bose speakers, and I had to play the first few lines a couple of times to understand the words. Especially about the "cut grass."

John did a fine job, a bit "British" in flavor (imagine that ). If he was ever going to cut it again, I'd recommend that he put a "smile" in his voice. It's an old radio announcer's trick. You simply smile. It brightens up the voice. Try it for fun, say something then smile and say it again. You'll hear a difference.

It's a good example of a positive song.

Thanks, Mike. Very cool of you to take the time!

Actually, I think he and his band, Too Little Time, have been practicing it to play it live. So I'll make sure he sees this.

I'll pop it into Audacity and experiment with the tempo. It won't sound very good but good enough to see what is most appealing. I don't know what tempo they are planning on using....

My concern was the reference to chewing tobacco. I wrote it with nothing in mind but getting down the images in my head. Later, when we started to push it a bit, I began to wonder if that would be a problem.

Really appreciate you lending your ears and suggestions!

Scott

EDIT: I read your "smile" trick on here awhile back and have been using it. Yes, it works. If it doesn't sound like it on some song I post, well, you won't hear the one where I wasn't smiling.

My pleasure, Scott. Yes, the tobacco reference could be a deal killer. You might mention 'roids, though

Well, I looked at the list. I recognized just about all the artists, and not one of the songs. Probably more evidence of my burgeoning curmudgeonhood.

Of my own songs, I finally got to the point this year where I could count the number of serious songs I've written on the fingers of one hand and *not* have fingers left over. And that's out of roughly five hours of performable "keepers." (I don't count anything else.) I do tend to deal with dark subjects, but always in an upbeat fashion, often with dead animals thrown in for (I guess) flavor. (One can't say "human interest," can one?)

Looking over 'em all (I had to assemble a setlist for the Bay City concert anyway), I think I've probably got only three genuinely happy songs--"Naked Space Hamsters in Love," "Twenty Saddles for My Chicken," and "Bungee Jumpin' Jesus." Most of the rest *sound* happy, though.

Joe

Mike: Humorous little ditty -- but there is also a lot of truth in there! After February's www.RPMChallenge.com thing is over, I plan to fix some stuff, maybe have Sub master it a little and .... send it off to friends and family (LOL!). Maybe I can make it to PineyFest this summer and start my learning about the "Nashville ways".

Kevin

Good, Kevin.

Sales is the same in every business.

One of the best salesmen I know is a banjo player. He sells food decorations, like those sugar based letters and designs you see on birthday cakes. He makes a good living doing that. When I call him, he will often say, "How can I help you," and he means it. Whether someone is looking for a shipment of candy halloween decorations to come in before the demand starts, or is looking for a bluegrass band for a party or festival, or needs a banjo part on a demo, or needs a ride to Walmart because their battery died on the road, he wants to help. And he will help.

We can learn a lot from the successful salesmen.

Of course, this only applies to those of us who want to enter the mainstream music market. Those hobbyists or "niche" musicians need not worry as much about selling.

I hope you make it to Pineyfest. Bobbie and I have been discussing this year's event, and it is starting to shape up. Even if you don't, make sure you get here some time. And go ahead and send me a link or an mp3 of your "door opener." I'll give it a crit.

All the Best,
Mike

I'm Sorry,
I gave some examples up above to get an opinion of which were considered postive or negative but I realise the songs were written and recorded before most of you were born.

So I will use some more up to date songs.

Leann Rimes recorded the song Blue, of also was probably written before some of you were born but none the less was a Huge hit.

LeeAnn Womack recorded a newer song, Never, Again, Again, written not too long ago. a big hit.

Pam Tillis recorded a song,DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, a pretty good song of which is on her Greatest Hits Album.

Postive or Negative?

Here is one of my more Postive, er, Negative songs, You decide.

THE SONGWRITER'S LAMENT
© 2001 Ray E. Strode BMI
This song is for all you songwriter's
who have sent out that great song,
Never to be heard from again.

Upon a silver platter, my request to
each of you, a dozen hit songs, that I
can go thru,
My fans are expecting great things you
see,
So I'll need those hit songs,
sent here to me.

And my songwriter friend, I'll try to
get back to you, It may take a couple
months, or two.
But upon a silver platter,
A dozen hit songs, Thank you so much,
Yesterday please.

Sing thru, repeat from here

My dear artist friend, I'll do what I
can do, some of my best songs, I'll
send out to you,
But sometimes the hound has to bay,
and the cow has to moo,
and my songs might not fit,
and you'll have to make do.

I'm just a poor bloke, and my pencil
just broke, But I'm sure I've got
some great songs for you,
Yes upon a silver platter, Some songs
that will do, some really great songs,
now it's all up to you.

I always thought songs were suppose to reflect life and society around us, silly me. Life has more negative things than positive things, more down than ups, more curves than straights, more sorrows than joys. Unless we are trying to hide from real life, you would expect more negative songs telling how life is, how many loves that don't work out,etc.

Ray,

There are plenty of songs that were written before I or you were born. I love many of them. But that doesn't mean the song buying public, most of whom do not care as much about music as a musician or songwriter does, will like those songs. They are looking for songs that are "in style." Now, you may not care for songs that are in style. Then you need to find the market for your songs. Do a search for old country, for neo-traditional country. See what today's artists who sing such songs are cutting. You might find a market for your songs. You might find that Austin, rather than Nashville, is the best city to place your music. You might get a good cut on the Songwriter's Lament.

Everett, Where did you get the idea that songs were supposed to reflect life around us? For one thing, most life is mundane and boring. If you take a camera and follow a songwriter around, like one of those reality shows, you'll still find at least 60% of the time it would be boring. So should we write boring songs? No, songs aren't supposed to reflect life. They are supposed to distill life in a beautiful way. Even happy songs, if they are not beautiful, can be boring. "I love every body, Oh yes, I love every body, happy happy happy, that's my name, la la la" Songs are supposed to make the drive to work better. They are supposed to make people want to dance. No, songs aren't supposed to reflect life, they are supposed to show life in a beautiful way. Even sad songs. Yes there are more sorrows than joys. That's why it's easy to write sad songs and hard to write joyful songs. That's why sad songs are a dime a dozen and joyful songs are gold. And, don't forget: make a joyful noise.

Mike: Thanks for the kind "crit" offer. I guess I'll just post it here. Everyone else might feel "ghermed", but you did ask (LOL!).

Going Down To Poplar Drive: http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6470939


Kevin

Kevin, Do you want me to post the crit here or in a PM? I'm going to put it through the microscope, may have more than one installment.

Mike: If you think others could benefit, post it here. It is OK to be as honest as you want to be. I just started a thread over in the MP3 forum saying "Post your best song possible" and I posted this one. I said that while it might not be my "best" song, it would be the one that I would offer up if a Nashville guy/gal said to me "Let me hear one of your songs that you think could make it here". Therefore, I have to open myself up to brutal honesty if I want to move forward.

I've been trashed in public before, so I can take it (LOL). But the real criteria should be "Will it help others besides Kevin?"

Thanks,

Kevin

OK, You asked for our Negative or Postive songs. But no one can decide what a posted example is, postive or negative so I guess the question is just Acedemic.

The last three examples I posted are modern songs about real life examples that were big hits but those aren't in "Vogue" anymore according to some people and the current Music Industry movers and shakers.

So post some Modern songs that are current that are considered postive or negative and on the airwaves.

True Hank, Webb, Carl, and many others aren't recording anymore and are deceased but their releases are still in the catalogs and still selling. But that isn't necessarilly what we are talking about.

We are talking about, (I assume) new songs by current writers that may be postive or negative. I gave some examples for opinions. None came yet?????

Mike,

My take on this subject is that the really great writers, Steele, Rutherford, Wiseman, Barnette (can never resist that one) do is take the ordinary subjects that happen in everyone's day to day lives but make them extrodinary.

Chain of Love: Written by Rory Lee
synopsis:
Woman breaks down on the side of the road on a stormy snowy night in her very expensive Mercede's. Ever had that happen?

Guy stops to help her. On his shirt is his name "Joe".

He changes her flat tire. She ask's "What do I owe you?"
he says: "Nothing, just don't let the chain of love end with you.

The Rich Woman goes to a diner to eat. A very pregnant waitress is having a tough time. The rich woman leaves a $100 bill for a $5 meal. $95 tip. With a note: "Don't let the chain of love end with you."

The waitress goes home after her shift. Gets in bed with her sleeping husband. Kisses him on the forehead and say's,
"It's gonna be okay Joe."

She was married to the guy who helped the rich woman who left the $95 tip, who helped her help the guy who helped her at the top of the song.

Strong story. Something we have seen and been probably on both sides of, every day life, told in a fresh interesting way, we didn;t see before.

90% of songwriting is a DUH!!! It's sitting right in front of us, just most people miss it. It is about the details.

2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Manchu. Live Like you Are Dying.

"I've Had Moments." homeless guy saves someone from committing suicide.

The great songs are the reality based situations told from a different perspective.

That is what I try to do anyway.

MAB

Ray, I can decide. I'll go back through them when I get back home and tell you my opinion on each song mentioned. Deciding is easy, once you decide to decide. I think that right there is one of the biggest problems songwriters (and everybody) has.

When I was a kid, I decided to decide. I remember in school, the teacher would ask "What's your favorite color?" and most of the kids couldn't decide. I went home and started deciding. Favorite color, favorite movie, favorite food, favorite drinks...I kept it up...favorite songs, favorite singers, favorite tv shows. So I have no problem at all deciding or giving crits.

Goin' Down to Poplar Drive
(c) 2009 words and music by Kevin Emmrich

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6470939

Here goes, Kevin.


Music

The first thing I'd say is that the chorus is too similar to the verse, it doesn't "lift." Both the verse and the chorus melodies go 5 5 5 5 321. Maybe if the verse started 1 1 1 etc. (remember I'm talking melody not chords). The chords for the verse are 1 1 1 4 1 1 1 45 1 45 1 the chorus is almost identical, just ends 4 51 4 51. Then, for a demo, the lead is too long, a verse and a chorus. Long leads gets the cd player turned off. The bridge's basic rhythmic pattern is pretty similar to the chorus. Make sure each section has a distinctive rhythmic pattern.

Lyrics

Going Down to Poplar Drive
© Kevin Emmrich 2009


Driving around, the top’s flipped down
I got a feeling something big’s gonna happen

OK, generally watch those "feelings" but at least this sets up a question..."what?"
Everyone says there’s nothing to do in this town

A lot of of words, maybe something like "everyone says this is a boring old town."

But I know that just isn’t true
Cause I know what my baby and I are gonna do

We’re Going down to Poplar Drive
gonna take my girl along for a ride
Hair thrown back
and we’re feeling alive
we’re going down to Poplar Drive
going down to Poplar Drive

OK, we're not invested in "Poplar Drive" so far it's just a drive with the wind in her hair. It's a nice image, but nothing big has happened. Why is Poplar Drive so exciting?

Get to where we’re going and w're feeling so free

Again, watch those "feelings" I can't see a feeling. Feeling free is a very vague thing. It just doesn't excite.

I’m looking at her and she’s looking at me

Not much happening here. You could be looking at her braces, she could be looking at your zit.

We’re laughing at all those folks who say
that you gotta leave town to be cool

Why? What have you done that's cool other than drive and look at each other?

I guess we’re happy being fools, cause

What's making you happy? Just driving?


We’re Going down to Poplar Drive
gonna take my girl along for a ride

Here there's a slight crit, if "We" are going down to Poplar Drive and "you" are going to take your girl along for a ride, then are their three of you?

Hair thrown back
and we’re feeling alive
we’re going down to Poplar Drive
going down to Poplar Drive

Again, nothing really happening.

(Instrumental Break)

(Bridge) So it’s been 10 years and we’re still in this town
We’re still laughing, we haven’t forgot how

Why are you laughing? Why would you have forgotten?


I say “What do you want to do with the kids tonight?”
She’s just gives me that look and says “How about…”

Going down to Poplar Drive
gonna take my girls along for a ride
Hair thrown back
and we’re feeling alive
we’re going down to Poplar Drive
going down to Poplar Drive

This is nice, now you have a family going for a ride. But still, it's not enough to get the listener emotionally invested in the song. You're telling the listener "I like this, it's fun." But you don't say why or what you are doing that's fun. You could explore the simple pleasure of driving and wind in your hair, but that's been done many, many times. I keep wanting something new.

You need to make Poplar Drive so enticing and romantic that the listener wants to go for a drive there too.

It's not a bad song. In fact I'd say it's a good song, but you've got to step up a few notches.

Listen to today's hits from the genre toward which you are aiming. If it's country, listen to the country top forty. Listen to see how many change up from the verse to the chorus and the bridge, both musically and in meter. Check the word flow. Most will not have a lot of words crammed in to the point where you have to sing eighth note triplets in a song over 120 beats per minute. See how many have lyrics about specific things happening with action and plot. Count the active verbs, count the concrete images in a few of your favorite songs from this week's top forty. Remember, for any of these that were not written by the artist, I would safely say none of them had a long lead break in the demo.

You're writing well, better than most folks I've heard at writers' nights (and I've hosted writers' nights at over a dozen venues in Nashville, including Douglas Corner and the Hall of Fame Lounge). This is a good move toward a "door opener."

Ray,

Never Again, Again: Yes, it might be about a losing situation -- but I wouldn't call it negative, it's about love that won't die. It's not really positive either, its a little bit ambiguous. But it's a good slow dance song and it's from an established name.

Don't Tell Me What To Do: The music is not plodding at all and it is defiant. I wouldn't call this one negative.

Kevin

Marc, excellent points.

A great song, heck great art, makes us feel like maybe our lives are interesting. Maybe changing the baby is noble. Maybe driving to work every day is heroic. Maybe writing a song is worthwhile. Maybe an ordinary life is romantic.