JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Shenandoah River- Tom Yeager/Moker Collab

new one with Tom- he had a great lyric and i've done an all acoustic worktape to get the ball rolling- all my amps are either in the shop or at rehearsal halls...ha...they seem to be getting heavier... thx folks, hope you're doin' great...moker

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7490017

SHENANDOAH RIVER
COPYRIGHT 2009 TOM YEAGER/MOKER JARRETT

VERSE 1
SKIPPIN STONES BENEATH A SUNNY BLUE RIDGE MOUNTAIN SKY
TWO LOVERS THINKIN JUST HOW FAR CAN THIS ALL FLY
DONT WANNA GIVE YOU ANYMORE THAN YOU MAY WANT
BUT I KNOW THAT YOUR HEART AND THOUGHTS I WANNA HAUNT

VERSE 2
GIVE YA ALL THE PASSION AND THE LOVIN THAT YOU NEED
BE YOUR BABY-YOUR BEST FRIEND AND TRUSTY STEED
RIDE MY LOVE INTO THE SETTING SUN
MAY THE MAGIC NEVER STOP
CAUSE WITHOUT IT INTO THE WATER OUR STONES DROP

CHORUS
SHENANDOAH RIVER KEEP US FLYING HIGH AND FAR
BOUNCE OUR LOVE RIGHT UP TO A SHOOTING STAR
STAY TOGETHER FOR THE BETTER OR THE WORSE
AS WE TRAVEL THROUGHOUT LIFE'S WAITING UNIVERSE

VERSE 3
DANCE OUR LOVE ALONG THE SURFACE OF THIS RIVERS RAIN
THAT IT MAY HEAL OUR HEARTS IN TIMES OF TROUBLE AND OF PAIN
WATCH OUR LOVE DEFY GRAVITY WITH COURAGE AND STRENGTH
FOR THE RIDE ABOVE THE SHENANDOAH RIVER'S FLOWING LENGTH

CHORUS
SHENANDOAH RIVER KEEP US FLYING HIGH AND FAR
BOUNCE OUR LOVE RIGHT UP TO A SHOOTING STAR
STAY TOGETHER FOR THE BETTER OR THE WORSE
AS WE TRAVEL THROUGHOUT LIFE'S WAITING UNIVERSE

BRIDGE
MAY WE ALWAYS BE TOGETHER AT THE END OF THE DAY
HOLDIN' EACH OTHER TIGHT THROUGH THE NIGHT
TWO VIRGINIA BORN AND BRED CHILDREN OF THE LIGHT
HOPIN' GOD WILL ALWAYS KEEP THEM IN HIS SIGHT

CHORUS
SHENANDOAH RIVER KEEP US FLYING HIGH AND FAR
BOUNCE OUR LOVE RIGHT UP TO A SHOOTING STAR
STAY TOGETHER FOR THE BETTER OR THE WORSE
AS WE TRAVEL THROUGHOUT LIFE'S WAITING UNIVERSE

SHENANDOAH RIVER KEEP US FLYING HIGH AND FAR
BOUNCE OUR LOVE RIGHT UP TO A SHOOTING STAR
STAY TOGETHER FOR THE BETTER OR THE WORSE
AS WE TRAVEL THROUGHOUT LIFE'S WAITING UNIVERSE

OUTTRO
SKIPPIN STONES BENEATH A SUNNY BLUE RIDGE MOUNTAIN SKY
TWO LOVERS THINKIN JUST HOW FAR CAN THIS ALL FLY

MJ & Tom:

There are some really great things here. First, the acoustic guitar is killer. MJ, you can really play! This song could probably stand alone as an instrumental. Second, there are some terrific lines. My favorite is:

RIDE MY LOVE INTO THE SETTING SUN

But there are plenty of others. The song is full of word pictures.

The song does seem a little rushed overall to me and I wonder if it might sound even better at a slower tempo. Two spots seemed particulary crowded: the start of the bridge and the start of second repetition of the last chorus.

I enjoyed it.

Mark

thanks for your listen and your comments Mark

Moker is indeed a great guitar player.....I have wanted to collab with him for a long time-glad we finally had the chance.......the vocals are a bit rushed.......a slower tempo might be in order....I think with a mix of both electric and accoustic (when Mokers amps get out of the shop) it will lend itself more to a slower tempo.....I am glad you enjoyed the "word pictures" effect...But I may have to trim back the lyrics a bit if that caused Moker to have to speed up in his vocals......we are both-I assure you-most open to any and all comments and suggestions on this worktape....I thank you for yours........

Tom

funny thing i have 4 amps- 1 in the shop- 2 left at places i rehearse- and 1 lent out to another guitar player in one of my groups...ha...if i had only picked up my effects unit i could go through and straight to record...maybe next week...the spots you picked up on Mark i totally agree and knew it as i was recording it...my schedule has been so slammed lately i record worktapes when i get an hour ... i have some ideas for getting into the bridge and into the double chorus that i will use when i go back at this...i think a slight tempo change down will help but i don't wanna make it drag by doing so, there is a very fine line when it comes to tempo...the double chorus, although i think it's effective where it is in the arrangement will have to go on the demo version of this if the tempo makes the song too long...thanks for the comments and ideas...Tom , thanks for a great lyric to work with...mj

Hey Tom and Moker,

Ah, two of my favorite fellas, coming together at last!!

I enjoyed this one a lot...great music, terrific lyrics. I will concur with Mike about perhaps slowing it down some...I noticed around 2:23 Moker, you had to stop to catch your breath.... we don't want you hurting yourself for the sake of art!! Probably not a bad idea to cut back a bit on the lyrics, too, Tom.

Otherwise, you have some great visuals here.... it certainly seems there is something magical about WATER that lends itself so well for songs of love. This for instance is very pretty:

DANCE OUR LOVE ALONG THE SURFACE OF THIS RIVERS RAIN
THAT IT MAY HEAL OUR HEARTS IN TIMES OF TROUBLE AND OF PAIN

If you're still receptive to comments, I did have two nits in the lyric:

Last line of V2, seems a bit yoda-speak....and since you hadn't brought up the image of "stones" before, it can also have sort of a crude connotation. Not sure that I have a reasonable alternative, but it did jump out at me.

Also, the use of the word "bounce" in line 2 of the chorus. It sounds a little "boing-boing" to me. Might you consider "reflect" (extra syllable, I know), or simply "send"?

All together, a fine collab. It has the definite feel of a movie soundtrack to me... moody in a good way.... and I wish you both much luck in finding it a good home!

Ciao for now,
Beth

Now that all the obvious nits (that weren't so obvious to this musically untrained ear ) have been mentioned, let me just say I loved the intensity and energy of this. Whatever Moker does to polish this up, I'm certain will be outstanding, but I could listen to it over and over just like it is.

And Tom, your lyric definitely struck a chord with me. Being a native Virginian, any references to the Blue Ridge Mountains and the Shenandoah River will always have my undivided attention. Some great lines and images in this, especially

DANCE OUR LOVE ALONG THE SURFACE OF THIS RIVERS RAIN

My hat's off to two fine writers. Thanks for the listen and the read.

Greg

my pleasure and honor to work with you Moker

you are truly one of the most talented somgwriters I know......I have had more than my share of luck for folks like you/Alan David/and Mike Dunbar to co-write with me......

yes-the double chorus will have to go-thats not something we can sell to Music Row......and it will allow you a bit more breathing room for slightly slower vocal delivery-without it going into the "drag zone".......your guitar work is really great!

even with those issues-this is very impressive Moker-the way you can just sit grab an hour and shoot something this good out...a very good worktape and I am sure the final demo will be something we get calls on from the Row..thanks again for a great job and working with little old me on this.....

Tom

and as for you-YOUR BOONESS

well you do have some good points....and I thank you for them

all commentary and crits are indeed appreciated...

Tom

Thanks Greg

so glad you liked it so much.......and this old Virginia boy does indeed miss his home state...from the Shenandoah Valley to the Virginia Beach oceanfront......miss it all so much.....havent been home in four years...as with so many things-someday

thanks again Greg

Tom

I'm getting nothing done today, but am enjoying all the wonderful music.

I really liked the melody and Moker's playing on this. I agree that it sounds a bit rushed, but I also think it could be sung and played a bit slower and that might not be an issue. I really like the chorus. Especially how the image of the river is tied to love and eternity.

thanks Wendy

Moker is indeed a great melody makeer and guitar player.....glad you like the chorus and the imagery it provided.........

Tom

Tom & Moker,

A really, really nice collab, guys! I'm on board with the vocal sounding marginally rushed. I think dropping it back as little as 4 - 6 bpm would make a huge difference with no negative effect whatsoever on the fluid progress of the melody.

Tye last line of the second verse...vocal was just a touch out of balance with the b/g music.

Other than those few little things, it's sounding great. Moker is a much better guitarist than many folks realize. I'm looking forward to the day when I can sit down and do little picking with him between sips of a cold Bud Select. And, of course, sitting down with you, Tom, and putting our heads together across the same table.

Nice job, indeed, guys!

Alan

Hi Moker,Hi Tom,

This is going to be a great collab. Moker has something special in his playing that always shines through, and Tom, there are so many unique lyrics in here, it is going to be great.

I have to agree though, the tempo is just a wee bit fast for me. I believe if you slow it down a little, it would allow a better flow.

You two done good,

Letha

So here's a tune that I am glad I didn't comment on right away. At first I thought that I was having trouble hearing through the quality of the demo recording, but now on my 4th listen, I am thinking "What was I thinking?" (LOL).

Everyone has mention the "rushed feeling" of it, but I think this is just that the singing needs some practice, the tempo sounds pretty good to me.

I like how the stones concept was continued from verse 1 to verse 2 -- but it was dropped in verse 3. Maybe transform that stone into a mountain in verse 3.

I am not convinced that the "flying" and "shooting star" concept fits totally in. Just a thought.

Good collab, best of luck with it.

Kevin

Hi Tom and Moker,

wOW, I can here great things in here. I love the lyric and Moker your music is beautiful.

The contour of the melody is something I'd look at. It stays in the same area in the verses and chorus. Moker, I know you're keeping the melody in your voices "sweet spot", but try the first verse down a third or so down more...just to see if that works...still loving your voices "texture", very pleasing...no phrasing issues here, to my ears...

Nice work guys

Mike

AL/LETHA

we both appreciate your input regarding the speed/tempo issues and Moker admits it was indeed a bit rushed....we will make adjustments....and we take these observations in the spirit they are offered without offense...so let me be clear in my denial that Moker is not using this song to audition for a hot new Alvin and the Chipmunks tribute band..I just dont know how these rumors get started.....

Tom

good point Kevin

I must admit I was wondering myself about the flying/shooting star thing-even as I wrote it....but my thought pattern was to try to tie in the stones/and the river analogy to the universe in general....we always think of outer space as the universe.............but we are of course part of the universe......maybe that was a bit overly ambitious-though I do like challenges....so thanks for your observation on that..as with all other comments-it will be considered in the final lyric prior to the full bells and whistles demo..which I am even now thinking about hoW I will finance...(see Tom completely lose all shame and go down to the honkytonks area in his new "Midnight Cowboy" outfit.......but hey-its Nashville-you do what has to be done...

Tom

Hey Guys:

Really like this - lyric and music both. Feels like a seamless match.

My favorite line is:

DONT WANNA GIVE YOU ANYMORE THAN YOU MAY WANT

A big idea there

I don't think the tempo is too fast. Might slow it a little but I wouldn't too much. Yeah, going into the bridge is rushed but I don't think that's a tempo issue. I think what might be giving it a rushed feel is the intensity of the guitars. Maybe back off on that a little and save it for an instrumental break?

At any rate, is a very nice song in my opinion.

Good work guys!

Scott

thanks everyone...i recorded this with very little rehearsal so my melody was not something i did with the confidence i would if i was going in somewhere to do it...tempo just a few beats down will help...thx again...mj

thanks Michael

glad you liked the lyric.....I sometimes wonder if I am overly poetic in my lyric writing......but I do try to make the lyrics "listener friendly"....and in the end-it should be all about the listener anyway....I myself dont consider it artsy to write stuff that is unconnected in concept or train of thought...so I would rather go with a well connected "trail of breadcrumbs" lyric then something that has less flow and may leave the listener wondering hmm what was that about....so I do indeed tend to be more literal in favor of a clearly defined path in the song lyrics...Moker is a great music writer-melody maker..hell of a guitar player...this thing in paticular shows his ability as a great guitar player....he is someone I always wanted to write with back when I first got into JPF.....so this collab is in itself a big goal attainment for me......

Tom

This is a great song.and everyday I have a wonderful veiw of those blue ridge mountains and ride a bridge across the shenandoah everyday.Havent heard a song about the blue ridge/shenandoah since I was a child playing on the river banks listening to john denver on my dads 8track

thanks so much Scott
cause that line was one I was really proud of...as of course thats one of the things two people who are getting serious always contemplate.....hmm is he/she gonna feel I am smothering them/coming on too fast etc etc....so I am glad you liked it as well...

Michelle- as I said before-as an old Virginia boy I miss the Valley alot....I was fortunate enough to live in the two best parts of the state-the Shenandoah Valley and Virginia Beach.......when I wrote the lyric for this thing I actually stopped and looked up "Shenandoah River" in the goverment copyright site.....and I was so happy not to see any other song titles for that...I still would have written this-cause you cant copyright titles anyway as we know........but I do love the title and having it all to myself just makes me feel closer to home even though I cant be there right now....enjoy those beautiful views-I sure miss them

Tom

Thanks for the laugh Tom, lol

Letha

most welcome Letha

whatever I can do to entertain you-be it music or comedy or whatever....you are a truly gifted singer/songwriter and have given me much entertainment...

Tom

Moker/Tom,

Ohh yeah, great feel on this one! Except for some of the phrasing in the chorus, the whole deal reminds me of Neil Young. So I think of this as rock, more than something Nashville bound, but of course arrangement can change that.

Love the feel of the lyric/harmony/melody together, and Mokers stellar instrumental hook in there. Just super!

First I was a little scared to listen because of the title ("Shenandoah" is an all time great!), but it sounded nothing like that.. pheew!

Top notch collaboration! Very exciting to witness..

thanks so much Magne

very nice of you......Moker's guitar work really makes this thing......I would like your thoughts on the phrasing in the chorus if you would...what do you like/not like about it?
I assure you I am not too smart to learn from others.......suggestions always appreciated...

Tom

Tom,

There was nothing I didn't like. I just meant that some of the chorus melody didn't remind me of Neil Young :-) So you should read the two first of my comments isolated (I should have spaced'em :-)

OK Magne

now i understand-thanks again for your compliments-glad you enjoyed it

Tom

Hi Moker and Tom

I'm really liking the all acoustic wall of guitar. I Think because you have the vocals more on top - it really is working in this... it's does not feel like the riffs are competing for space this way. Perhaps you could pull the vocal up a wee bit more. I also like the tempo -- so if you can adjust the phrasing to accommodate - I'd keep it this tempo. Best wishes - Nice collaboration guys. jm

thanks so much Joice
you are such a highly talented singer/songwriter-your praise for this means we scaled a pretty high wall..Mokers guitar work on this thing is what is gonna sell it-in my opinion....its just that good....and some have said it would be a stand out instrumental on its own...I am still waiting for the torchlit angry mob attack on my lyrics but havent gotten it yet......just minor crits so far...so please folks-come running with the noose-the suspense is killing me in itself-lol.

thanks again Joice

Tom

Hi Tom & Moker,

I like this one a lot, from the poetic lyrics to the haunting melody and, of course the awesome guitar. Just great work, all the way around. I think with practice, the lines can be sung smoother so I'm not sure it needs to be slowed down, but whatever works best for you.
Only line I didn't buy was, "CAUSE WITHOUT IT INTO THE WATER OUR STONES DROP". Bit of a reach for the rhyme, eh?
So, tell me Tom, how can someone who writes lines like, "RIDE MY LOVE INTO THE SETTING SUN" and "DANCE OUR LOVE ALONG THE SURFACE OF THIS RIVERS RAIN" and "BOUNCE OUR LOVE RIGHT UP TO A SHOOTING STAR", not get Diamond from Dust?

Ricki

OK RICKI-i WILL CAVE

it is indeed a pretty good lyric-lol

glad you liked the haunting melody and Moker's excellant guitar work........yes you are right-that line is indeed a bit of a stretch...may be vain to say this-but I think this song has real potential for being picked up by Music Row......hope so anyway-as we all do for our songs......and if so Moker and I might be getting a call someday "hey so and so likes it but he wants to tweak a few things and be a third writer on it".......that often happens in Nashville......so if thats the case that line-or whatever-will be something he can work on to earn his co-write credit and money-lol.........very few demos are done exactly as is by the original writers.....so what you are hoping is that the demo will grab em enough to make em wanna adopt it-jump in and personalize it for their style......

thanks again-glad you enjoyed it

Tom

Really solid song guys. I think this has real potential.

My only nits are that some of the vocal phrases seem slightly awkward.

I really suggest eliminating the word 'stay' in the chorus and making the line just: TOGETHER... FOR THE BETTER OR THE WORSE. If you do this the phrasing is improved and 'together' and 'better' become an obvious internal rhyme.

Great job,

Peace,

Ian

thanks Ian

glad you enjoyed it and thats a good suggestion you made..

Tom