JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 Call A Taxi! - - Michele Bolton

This is a lyric of Michele Bolton’s that I helped with and since she is in the middle of moving, am posting for some feedback from you all! (There may be an outro, too...Michele, let us know! )

So please, critique freely! All comments and suggestions are appreciated.

Call a Taxi!

[Intro]
Hey Tania, Whatcha doin’ tonight?
Gee Donna, I really don’t know
Do you wanna go on the town tonight?
Yeah, girl, let’s go!

Carol’s workin’ until 8:00
She’ll come out for a sweet escape
Cheryl loves the Karoake songs
She’ll get everyone singin’ along

We’ll dazzle the guys as we make our rounds
Turn the tables upside down
Our charm, our wit cannot be matched
Catch us now, you’ll have a blast

[ch]
Call a taxi, book it now
Let’s go, where, out on the town
And party, ah ha ah ha, and party
Make some sounds, dance around
Let’s go girls out in the crowds
To party yeh eh eh
Let’s party yeh eh eh

There’s hot stuff in some leather pants
He thinks he knows how to dance
We’ll teach him how to treat a lady
Have some fun without goin’ crazy

[ch]
Call a taxi, book it now
Cuz we’re goin’ out on the town
To party, ah ha ah ha, to party
Make some sounds, dance around
Let’s go girls out in the crowds
And party yeh eh eh
Let’s party yeh eh eh

[br]
You say you wanna marry me?
Go on boy, I mean, seriously

[ch]
Call a taxi, book it now
Cuz we’re goin’ out on the town
To party, ah ha ah ha, to party
Make some sounds, dance around
Let’s go girls out in the crowds
And party yeh eh eh
Let’s party yeh eh eh

©2009Michele Bolton/Kristi McKeever

Hi Michelle and Kristi,

I like this, it reads a little like a Spice Girls, half sung half spoken affair.

In the intro, I think the identity rhyme is stronger with a rhyming word preceding it, as in

Hey Tania, What's goin' down tonight?
Gee Donna, I really don’t know
Do you wanna go on the town tonight?
Yeah, girl, let’s go!

Now I'm not sure how dated or still in use that salutation is...but it's an example of how to turn an identity rhyme into a strength...that being by rhyming the syllables and/or words preceding it.

In V2, the line "catch us now, you'll have a blast" feels like it is aimed at an audience, and it is the only place in the lyric where the girls aren't addressing each other. Being the only line that directly addresses the audience, it feels a little strange, but would work fine live and on video, by simply having the girls sing to the audience.

V3 plays it pretty safe, what with "have some fun without goin' crazy"...The "taxi" signifies, in my mind that the girls could all drink a little and not worry too much about it, so maybe they do want to get a little crazy? Or at least, when talking amongst each other, wouldn't they more be apt to say something like, "hey, let's get a little crazy, tonight!" than "let's have some fun without goin' crazy"...that line dampens the excitement a tad, I think.

I think you're bridge could be more visual with a line referring to the boy being down on one knee, a really nice visual of a young guy, proposing marriage, probably half drunk, instead of just saying "you say you want to marry me"...

This flows really nice to an upbeat head tune.

There are several lines that are sung by individual singers, and the rest, with "our" and "we're" pronouns, by the whole girl group, and as such would need a little "arranging", but could be a lot of fun!

Nice one, you two!

Mike

Hi Michael

Thanks so much for your input, this Aussie girl is exhausted from all this packing, and cleaning house. I will be back tomorrow, I'm not feeling the best now, I'm getting the flu, but not too bad so far, I've been taking vitamins.

See you tomorrow.

Michele

Hi Kristi

I'm off to bed now, I will talk to you tomorrow.

Hugs
Michele

Bump, Bump, more input please.

Hey Gals, Call the FIRE DEP'T....this Party Song's a HOT One!

Sounds to me like a Serious "Girls' Night Out" Number, start-to-finish!

A CITY Girl's Night Out...seein' as how TAXIS are the Transportation Mode. (Might expand your Market by singin' "Grab your Calendar, Mark it Down") Or.."Tonight's The Night, Let's Head On Down"...

Otherwise, yeh, eh, eh, seems like a Good Time Is Bein' had By All, except the Mystery Dude in that FUN Bridge..heh!

Good Party Song..& I haven't heard Many since Prince's "1999".

Good Luck with it, Gals..Sounds like Great Fun!

Big Hugs,
Stan

Hi Mike,

Thanks for your input....ya know, you've given us some really good suggestions here.

I like the idea of rhyming the word before the identity rhyme (“tonight”)…I think it would sing better, especially for this kind of upbeat kind of song.

I didn’t notice that “catch us now, you’ll have a blast” was the only line directed at the audience…thanks for drawing our attention to that. In order to fix that I suppose we could change it to something like:

We know how to have a blast or The night is gonna go by fast

We’ll have to think about that “crazy” line…hmmmm….I see the value in keeping it all about fun, fun, fun….and the guy on his knee in the bridge is a cool idea!

Thanks so much for your nice comments and thoughtful suggestions! They are all very helpful, Mike!

Kristi

Hi Stan,

Thanks for responding and giving us your perspective. I like the idea of adding to the city element by notating that they are going “downtown.”

It’s true, it’s got taxis as the focal point, so those subtle details would help put the audience “inside” the lyric…so thanks for that piece of advice!

I’m glad you think it comes across as a “Girls Night Out” number….!

Thanks again for your nice comments, Stan!

Kristi

Hi Kristi and Michele! This is a great 'let's partay' song! The only thing I had a bit of a problem with was the 'taxi'. Why not 'rent a limo' and 'get a chauffer' plus the added benefit of having all the guys thinking you are both rich? Anyways, just thought I'd toss that out there -- keep or sweep. Have a good night!
-Dave

It's a nice change to see an upbeat lyric rather than the prevalent cry in your beer songs. This one is a lot of fun!

In terms of critiquing, I think some of the rhymes are a bit shaky. Tonight and tonight can be improved. Matched and blast are a bit of a stretch. Some fine tuning needed to get the lyrics to really pop.

Otherwise, it is fine and will work well with the right music. The music will have to be strong and make people want to jump up and dance. Something like Macarena.

Good luck

Hi David

Thanks so much for your input, the reasons I called it "Call a Taxi" is so we can encourage others to party, but do it safely, and also I was thinking of the big 'DOLLAR', cause it could be a great song to advertise our Taxi service, great commercial hah, but Kristi and I will discuss your idea's, we appreciate all the input we get.

Hugs
Michele

Hi Colin

Thanks so much for your input, Kristi and I are very excited about this song, and yes I can tell you this, it will be right out their when I record this one, and you all here, will be the first to hear it when it's finished. YIPEE!

We appreciate your advice.

Hugs
Michele

Michelle/ Kirsti,

I like the idea of this. To me it reads like a the sort of girl song a writer like Matraca Berg would do.

It reads like the intro is a spoken dialogue between the girls, and then the drums and guitar comes in to kick it off. So it calls for some strong rhymes, and I think the verses work pretty good for that.

Im not so sure about the chorus, though. It might work if you have a melody, but it doesn't read that good to me. I wonder why you went with Taxi in stead of Cab, as that could give it a little more punch by the alitteration. But I think what really doesn't work for me in the chorus is that they don't know where they are going.

It doesn't really seem believeable to me that girls would be in a party mood packed with expectation, just picking out places at random. Party songs like these often have an identifiable place like "Mary's Place" (Bruce Springsteen), "I love this bar" (Toby Keith) etc.

Being concrete is a must in a fun party song IMO, and perhaps a close and fun description of one, could work to dress up the chorus here, enabling listeners to identify elements from their own preferred party place.

The bridge here seem to come from nowhere. I can see the fun in a loose remark, though, but I think it needs a little setup to work.

Just my inputs for the day :-) KOS

Michelle,
up beat pop for sure. The tune and arrangement will make all the difference.

"our wit cannot be matched" sounds clunky. Class might be a better word to rhyme with blast.

a guy in leather pants really stands out. Hose him down and watch him dry.(just kidding).

sounds to me like they make their own crowd(hint hint).

oh yeah- GO crazy! or "have a little fun driving 'em crazy".

This could be really fun and you'd gotten a lot of good feedback before I spoke up.

have fun,
John

Hi John

Kristi and I like to thank you for your suggestions, cool.

We are pleased you like our song, and you have a great sense of humor also, I like that.

Hugs
Michele

Hi Kristi

I will copy all these idea's down, and when you get some time, we can work on some of these great suggestions hah.

Hugs
Michele

Hugs
Michele

Hey there Michele and Kristi,

I'm really likin' this fun upbeat song you got going here! Reminds me of "Girls just wanna have fun"!! We need more upbeat, fun songs like this.....songs that make us smile and feel happy.

I see Mike left you some good suggestions for tweaking it a bit...to make it even stronger.

Good luck you two! Great collaboration.

Gail

I like this ladies....nice work..

Maybe start the chorus with

dial (call??) yellow cab

gives you a better picture than call a taxi...

David and Colin – Thanks for taking time to come by and offering up some good suggestions for us! Appreciate it!

Magne – You make some good points there and your in-depth thinking on how to improve the lyric is appreciated. I found Matraca Berg's MySpace page and am listening to her now in fact! Hadn't heard of her, so thanks for that and thanks for your time!

Kristi

John H. – Great suggestions..thanks so much! Your “eye” is always right on…thanks for stopping by with your input!

Gail – I agree! We do need more songs that make us smile and feel happy! We shall be tweaking this, yep…thanks for your nice comments!

Kristi

Hi John,

Well that is certainly an interesting suggestion.......Michele and I will be working on this....appreciate having your input!

Thanks for coming by!

Kristi

...and in the recording, near the fade or end, actually have the sound of dialing a phone and placing the call...just do it yourself Michelle, record directly from your message machine.