JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Billy's Got An Aneurysm

This is a silly song I wrote about my neighbor. Who, thankfully, did survive. I need for you guys to tell me if you think this is humorous. Better yet, do you think others will find it funny?

It's obviously traditional country. Do Christian artists ever do anything silly? Do you think this is a fit or not? Thanks.

P.S. Yes I know, too much reverb, vocal is hot, etc. It's just a rough demo that needs work.

===

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8648166

BILLY'S GOT AN ANEURYSM
(copr)2007 Bill Pittman

Billy's got an aneurysm, it's internal terrorism
Let's hope he's had baptism, everybody pray
Wife and daughter scared to death, sorry, Billy, I said death
You just breathe a lot of breaths, it's gon' be okay

[CHORUS:]
Pray, brother, pray
Pray, sister, pray
We'll keep that Reaper at bay
Pray, pray, pray

Ain't no need for pessimism, they gon' get the aneurysm
You should think futurism, come on Billy, try
But word is there's a little catch if you let this make you a wreck
Limber up and start to stretch and kiss your butt Goodbye

[ CHORUS - REPEAT ]

Yeah, life is full of ups and downs, sorry, Billy, I said down
Come on, man, wipe that frown, negative won't do
Listen Billy, this is key, if you wake up, try to pee
If bed is wet, glory be, you have made it through

[ CHORUS - REPEAT ]
You'll see another day
Pray, pray, pray

I think Not.
When I started having head noise out of the blue and the doctor told me it could be a aneurism.
It was the longest three days of my life. Put yourself in billy shoe and see if it still humorous.
Just answering the question Duke.
I like the music.

And then we go from someone who told me, "This is the funniest song I have ever heard! My uncle just went through a rough surgery and we were trying so hard to find humor! It was SO stressful!"

So, I await the responses. Life is a bitch. And then you die. Can we laugh?

ordinaryguy, I am very sorry for your challenges. I have been through them myself.

Well, I'm not sure I'd go to the hospital and play this to cheer Billy up...he might get a kick out of it afterward.

I think the second verse is kind of harsh actually -- it makes it sound like whatever happens is his fault.

I like the third verse. Honestly, it's the only thing that struck me as funny.

It might work better if you told it from the point of view of Billy and made him sound stoic and tough.

I'm Billy. I've got an aneurism, it's internal terrorism
Been thinkin' about my baptism, everybody pray
Wife and daughter scared to death, sorry, sweetheart, I said death
I'll just breathe a lot of breaths, it's gon' be okay

Ain't no need for pessimism, they gon' get the aneurism
Let's all think futurism. I'm Billy, and I'm gonna try.
Sure we might be scared to heck. Come on honey, hug my neck.
Aneurism's a little speck. Our love's a mile wide.

Yeah, life is full of ups and downs, sorry, sweetheart, I said down
Come on, now, wipe that frown, negative won't do
I'm Billy, and listen, this is key, If I wake up, I'll try to pee
If the bed is wet, glory be, Billy made it through

Joyboy, that's a good idea. I don't know if the concern is apropos but I like your idea. We'll see what happens.

Hey DukeWill,
I fully understand why some folks would not see the humor in something like this, but I think I feel where it comes from. There are people, myself included, who appreciate the gallows humor, expecially between close friends. Of course I work around hospital people and they are famous for it, and the old saying 'laughter is the best medicine is as true as anything I've ever heard. Great production and voice by the way. May not be for the general population but I would be willing to bet your friend loves it. I hope at my funeral there will be a bunch of my friends singing really irreverent songs about me.

I know you write lots of tunes and you've got lots of fantastic stuff, but this isn't one of your best.

I agree that only v3 is funny, and really only the 3rd and 4th lines.

"terrorism" is a big word and the listener's head can go A LOT of unwanted directions when they hear this word. It didn't focus me personally at all.

I'm not sure all that many people are that familiar with an aneurysm. There's lots of different kinds of aneurysms. As a nurse I realize the 2 most threatening kinds are aortic and brain. My medical side wanted to know which kind Billy has, but my songwriter side wonders if the general listener even knows what an aneurysm is?

I actually think this tune might have some potential as a dark, alt.country piece. Take the position of a friend who just doesn't say anything right and just keeps making it worse... In that respect, I'd lose v3 and try to come up with something edgy and dark.

Sorry Bill. I know you meant this as something light but It's got a lot of shades of gray to my hearing.

I like the melody. It really singable... it's really accessible as a basic tune.

Peace,

Ian

Thanks for your time Alador and Ian.

The song is not meant to be strictly about an aneurysm. My hope was that someone who has faced or is facing any serious health issue (and who hasn't?) could get a smile out of it. Because humor is healthy. In fact, when I first was toying with the arrangement, I was very close to settling on a very up-tempo gospel type arrangement. Which I might still go to. A hand-clapping gospel thing. I could envision nurses in a hospital station playing this song and having a good time with it, even playing it for patients. That's the hope.

Haha, it's not easy being a songwriter who writes many styles. If we wrote only feel-good John Denver type tunes, it would be easier. But I write a lot of smart alec songs. This is not a Texas music genre song, but my, you should hear some of the stuff in that genre. I find it funny. I just love it. Many songs in Texas music genre wouldn't work in Nashville because "Oh, my, we can't dare take the chance of offending anyone." In Texas music, they don't give a rip, they just write it. I admit I am attracted to that.

However, I don't want to offend people with serious health issues. I like it but I'm too close to it.

James Taylor wrote a song about his family with the f-word in it. Something like "my effed up family." Does that make it unworthy? I know a lot of people who wouldn't care for it. They would never condone that in a song. Yet, many people love that line. Because they can't believe he wrote/sang that line and also because they identify, having their own effed up family.

I hope other people will chime in.

I occurs to me that if you made Billy a record company exec. the line "Sorry Billy I said death" might get a chuckle... at least from musicians.

Peace,

Ian

I have a strange sense of humour at times and can appreciate irreverent humour. Too many funny things are spoiled by the PC brigade butting in and protesting that folk could be offended. Comedy is usually based on laughing at other folks misfortunes and as long as it is tongue in cheek and there is no harm meant I do not have a problem. I think it might be better performed in the first person as self mocking is always better than someone else doing it.
I remember laughing my sock off at a song someone asked me to listen too. It was so full of cliches and such a hard luck story that the more I heard the more I laughed. The guy was pretty offended by my hysterics.....problem was the song was meant as a VERY serious sad song.

On the tech side.
The chord progression was pretty standard and IMO lacked a bit of originality and variation BUT was catchy and singable. I have a big nit with the levels on some of the vocals especially in the chorus they are way too hot and distort badly. Easy fix.

Hey Duke,
Good potential but I think the only way it'd wotk for me, would be to take Joy's suggestion and make Billy be the narrator. I think "HE" could carry it but an "outsider" couldn't.

Kinda like "Street people" or various ethnic groups can say things to each other that outsiders better not say to THEM
Write on
Wy

HiDee Bro Billy!

Your printed-out Hook here swung me in...Real DIFFO & Catchy! Music's Quite-Catchy & Vox, too, very enjoyable.

V1 & Chorus set this up as Comedic, (yet-caring), pretty Well, JMO.

V2 I'd sug "fix" in place of "get" the aneurism. (K-O-S) Last Couplet's where this veers-of into pretty Dark HumorLand...COULD be on the Softer-Side..& catch more Audience Appreciation, JMO again.

Frinstance:

"Give your wife a little peck, your life ain't a total wreck/
Limber-up & Start to stretch, this ain't no day to die..." (K-O-S)

V3's more-optimistic, ends Comedically-Enough to be Satisfying...(tho Pee Jokes are...waal..you know..heh!)

Overall, I enjoyed it, tho, yeah, I'm not known for worryin' if somethin's-PC-or-not, so I'm not your best Soundin' Board for Audience Acceptance.

Good Luck with it...It's certainly New Ground & Different..& Fun!
Best Wishes & a Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

Hi Bill:

One thing you might be running into here is that people are going to react to this in many different ways, depending on their sense of humor.

I don't know that I thought it was funny but I thought it had humor and I would have got a kick out of it if I was Billy. My wife would have been shooting daggers at you though.

So it all depends.

I DO think you could make it work for a larger fraction of listeners if you take Joyboy's suggestion and put it in the first person.

Scott