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Hi,

Please let me know if this tune is worth messing with. I sent off for the copyright anyway.

Any suggestions would be great!

http://www.atlanticplumbing.net/wedding.mp3

Thanks!

Mike Lynch

Um, yes,
This song has some potential. It seems mostly complete not much I would change.

50 Dollar Wedding Ring Tempo 85

By: Michael E. Lynch / Copyright 2010

V1:

We were young and dumb when I bought that ring,
I was still learning all the simple things,
Worked my fingers to the bone so you could, go to school

You got your education, but didn’t like my situation
all I got, were two wore out calloused hands,
I hammer nails all day, and I cut stone,

you strut around with your Guccis on
And stare at me like I ain’t worth a damn

Chorus:

You took the couch, table, rocking chair,
microwave oven and the silverware, cat, dog, high def TV
And all you left, for me, was your 50 dollar wedding ring,

V2:

Sure, I’m a little sad, thinking bout what I had.
But I can always replace everything I lost

I’ll just take this ring, trade it for a few George Straight Cd’s
And I’ll grab a case of cold beer on my way home

I ain’t mad at you, you see, I hope you find the man of your dreams
Maybe some joker with a PHD

Chorus:

Bridge:

I can get another dog, I never liked to smell that cat
I’ll find a simple country girl, at least I’ll know where she’s at.

Chorus:

I like this a lot. I noticed you called ring a rang in the chorus, but called it a ring in the verse. This is no big deal, but that's the kinda thing that could be pointed out by a pro (which I'm not). Where did you record? The writing is very good, but the music could use a better mix IMHO. Anyway good job.

Hi,

Thanks for your input!

Many people cut and paste chorus and rhythm sections today and also use auto tuner voice software. Each one of my pieces are different. Nothing was copied or pasted. I guess the word "Ring" just came out that way. It was not really planned. I can always fix it.

The song isn't mixed much. I recorded the whole thing in my bedroom. I play all of the instruments, since I can't find anyone around here to help me out. Most people around here only want to play cover songs. I may still work on the lyric, if enough people tell me that it needs it. I will do a mix and master after I get the bugs worked out. If you hear anything else that you don't like, please let me know!

woohoo boy-I think you got a rompin stompin honkytonkin hit here Mike.....

I really really like it and I would bet the farm on it............as you yourself mentioned the mix is a bit muddy but that can be fixed either by you or one of our many master producers here in JPF.....would be a very worthwhile investment to give it to Mike Caro or Mike Dunbar to clean it up and tweak it to professional perfection......so for whatever its worth coming from me-I say go all the way with this one buddy........

GOOD JOB!

Tom

It's a fun tune and you really understand the production that really makes this a very good tune. If you have contacts already established, I don't see why you couldn't get a pro demo of this and pitch it. Better off, maybe find a local up and coming country band to give it a whirl.

Kevin

Thanks a lot. I really appreciate it!

I have no idea how to pitch a song. Maybe someone can give me a few tips, if you don't mind.

http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?q=hi&songID=9364407

I will PM you my cell phone number Mike

and we will go over a few things involved in the pitching to Nashville process....first thing is off course a pro quality-ready for radio demo cause anything less will hurt if not kill your chances with a publisher......but after getting the pro quality demo there are steps involved you gotta know and protocol you gotta observe in the process....

will be glad to help you


Tom

Hi Mike

I enjoyed my listen very much, and I'm no good in advising you on the music side of things, but we have plenty here that will.

Good luck with your song.

Hugs Michele

Thanks,

I appreciate your great feedback.

Now, I need to figure out where to send it.

Mike,
I think that works very well. George Strait and $50 may give it a limited shelf life (just as George Jones and $10 would) but who cares? It rocks today!

Oh yes listen to Tom.

Have fun,
John

oops-John you have a good point there-one I missed...........

as a general rule you dont want to ask one singer to mention another-even in a flattering way-in a song......partly ego and partly cause its going off track.........the song's purpose-other than entertainment-is to have people thinking "hey isnt so and so just a great singer/songwriter-man I love that song of his"

so name dropping of another singer generally isnt advised ... you can substitute something else for the George Strait CD'S easily enough......it would turn off a publisher to be thinking-"hey dude how can I pitch this to xy and z when it will require them to mention a competitor".....

small point but important I think......in my opinion anyway

Tom

Thanks for your feedback.

I totally understand what you are saying about the George Strait part. I am sure that you are 100% correct.

I don't know much about writing songs. It seems that when I write songs, I must cut out some of my favorite parts so that they are politically correct for other people. The chorus and the George Straight reference is my favorite part of the song. I will cut it out but it's just a bummer.

When I sent my songs to some publishing companies years ago, they marked out almost all of my favorite lines. I have no idea what people want to hear.

Other than that, do you hear anything else that needs to be worked on before I do a final mix and master?

I really appreciate your great help!

Mike

Kimberlyinnc:

That's so strange. It blows my mind. I already have "Cheap Walmart Wedding Ring" written down from last month, but I was thinking that it may not be a good idea to bash Walmart. It could be a turn off and they may not sell the song in their store.

Sheryl Crow said something about Walmart and they refused to sell her CD's or said that they would not sell anymore for a while. I don't know it all goes back to the politics.

On the part "Simple Country Girl", I am meaning simple, as in dumb. The guy in the song is as dumb as a brick, so he needs someone that is just as dumb as he is, don't you think?

I tried just saying Gucci's, but several people didn't even know what it meant, and Gucci Pants sounds a little more redneck to me. I am trying to make the song as redneck as possible on this version to send it to a more country market. I will do the song again and make it more rock with different lyrics. I do like your suggestions. I have to really think this one out. Since I put it online, I have some people wanting to buy it already and it's not even done. It really freaks me out.

Definitely prefer "$50" wedding ring over "cheap Wal-Mart". In addition to the issues you mentioned Mike, I think it sounds better with that extra syllable. Good job on the rewrite!

Mike,
it's a good song. And personally I think George Strait is one name you can drop today. I was merely suggesting that down the road dropping his name would be like a G. Jones reference today. I'm gonna listen again.

Have fun,
John

Hey there Mike,

This is a real toe-tapper. Loved the chorus in particular, and with a cleaner production, it has terrific potential.

The only lyrical thought I had was perhaps some inclusion of her having manicured nails? Your hook is about the ring, you mention your calloused hands...maybe to bring it full circle (no pun intended) you could set up that dramatic juxtaposition as well. Since there seems to be some question about the Gucci (pants), maybe you include it here:

you strut around with your Guccis FAKE NAILS on
And stare at me like I ain’t worth a damn

I think "nails" is understood in the verse prior to it, so maybe you don't need it (thereby avoiding the repetition)?

Either way, I agree you've got a winner-in-the-making here. Good luck!!

Cheers,
Beth

Thanks for your great help guys and gals. KimberlyinNC, Your suggestions came in handy. It made me do a lot of thinking. I didn't want you to think that I didn't use your suggestions. Beth G, I used the part about the fake nails. I can name all of you. I took everyones suggestions. Here is a rewrite. Let me know what you think!

50 Dollar Wedding Ring

By: Michael E. Lynch / Copyright 2010

V1:

We were young and dumb when I bought that ring,
I was still learning all the simple things,
Worked my fingers to the bone
so you could go back to school
You got your education, but didn’t like my situation
all I got, were two wore out calloused hands,

My tongue was hangin’ out when I got home,
you strutted around with your fake nails on
And looked at me like I ain’t worth a damn

Chorus:

You took the couch, table, rocking chair,
microwave oven and the silverware, cat, dog, high def TV
And all you left, for me, was your 50 dollar wedding ring,

V2:

Sure, I’m a little sad, thinking bout what I had.
But I can always replace everything I lost
I’ll just take this ring, trade it for a few butt kickin Honky Tonk Cd’s.
And I’ll grab a cold case beer on my way home

We were never meant to be, I hope you find the man of your dreams
Maybe some joker with a PHD

Chorus:

Bridge:

I can get another dog, I never liked to smell that cat
I’ll find a good ole girl like me, at least I know where she’s at.

Chorus:

revised version lyrics look good to me

best of luck with this song

Tom

Hi Michael.

Ill add to the chorus. Yep I like this song. a few little nits that have been pointed out already. But still on first listen it grabbed and held me right to the end.

I love the melody by the way. works just right for the lyrics. IMO

My fav bit is the chorus.

God Bless Roy and Helen

Hello Michael.

Speaking of political landmines, what about cat lovers?

Actually the dog side of dog vs cat argument is probably the best side to be on popularity wise.

Otherwise I'd recomend the lyrics...
You took the dog, but he left his hair
the dog's long gone but his smells still there. ;-)

Don't take no guff from Wallmart. A store whose name almost rhymes with fall apart shouldn't mess with songwriters!

I like a lot of your songs, Moodswing and Silver Wheels are my favorites.

Michael...

Hot stuff brother...Many wise and honest people here...I would listen to them...
Good Luck with this girl...
She is worth the effort...


Larry

Thanks for your suggestion!

I really didn't want to go there, but the part about " I never liked to smell that cat " can have a double meaning if you want it to do so.

I am not going to explain it.

About 50 precent of the people that heard it chose which meaning that they wanted to go with. One lady got a little pissed off, but I told her that am talking about a cat litter box. It's not nasty. It just depends on how you want to take it. I think that's the beauty of writing and interpretation between different people. How does that lady know what I'm talking about?

Michael...

Wouldn't worry too much about that part of your tune...some of the fun in songwriting is making folks think....Personally I didn't take it that way...just made me think of a trusted friend you care about and the danged thing runs off..lol...as you mentioned..no need to explain...as many who are much better at songwriting than I have said... explained..."You don't have to re-invent the wheel" most everything has been said...just put it in a different and interesting light...From my camp you have done so...

Larry

Mike,
good fix.

Have fun,
John