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A test
by bennash - 05/26/26 07:18 AM
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Rob
by Rob B. - 05/25/26 11:14 PM
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 4,237 Likes: 16
Top 100 Poster
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OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 4,237 Likes: 16 |
My October Song.
If one could form a rhythm
from the crackling of the leaves,
and catch the whistling noises
of winds howling in the eaves.
Capture echoes of Summer
from wind chimes in the breeze,
let the crispness of the season
inspire lyrics that will please
Stand close beside a pristine lake,
reflecting Summer's end,
cast pebbles splashing, plink, plank, plunk
let each whoosh and sound wave blend.
Don't forget those banging shutters
as chill winds begin to blow,
plus the rat-tat-tat of rainy days
on all the roofs below.
Let the trumpet honks of geese above
join in as they fly south,
plus the chattering of squirrels
out gathering acorns in their mouth.
Then you just might have a melody
to savor all year long,
granting melancholy memories
to my sweet October song.
MFB III Productions
ArtWhimsically Yours Studio,
MFB--
HERE’S MY TAKE ON YOUR LYRIC IN (CAPS)--
JUST THINKING OUT LOUD--JMHO
FEELS GOOD TO BE ALIVE
© 2010 MFBIII
V1
I CAN HEAR NATURE’S rhythm
SOUNDS OF DRY crackling leaves,
THEY MAKE SOFT whistling noises
FILTERING THROUGH the TREES.
RISE
FEELS good to be alive.
CH1
I HEAR Echoes OF FADING SUMMER
COOL NIGHTS AND NORTHERN breezeS,
I Stand beside a SHIMMERING lake,
COLORS reflect DEEP PURPLE SHADES.
V2
I HEAR THOSE banging shutters
A CANADIAN WIND beginS to blow,
THEN THE PELTING RAIN DROPS
BOUNCE on TIN roofs below.
RISE
FEELS good to be alive.
CH2
GEESE HONK WITH URGENT TONES
AS THEY come together flying south,
Climbing chattering gray squirrels
ARE gathering acorns in their mouth.
RISE
FEELS good to be alive.
OUTRO
I HEAR nature's melody
Sends a shiver through me.
FEELS good to be alive.
Last edited by MFB III; 11/11/10 03:40 AM.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
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Man!this one is way cool.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 20,000 Likes: 32
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Instead of flooding the boards with YOUR lyrics, why not spend time on critiquing others and post less of your own? A fair ratio is 10 to 1 others over your own.
Brian
Brian Austin Whitney Founder Just Plain Folks jpfolkspro@gmail.com Skype: Brian Austin Whitney Facebook: www.facebook.com/justplainfolks"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney "It's easier to be the bigger man when you actually are..." -Brian Austin Whitney "Sometimes all you have to do to inspire humans to greatness is to give them a reason and opportunity to do something great." -Brian Austin Whitney
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 4,237 Likes: 16
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OP
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492 posts in 60 days
only 84 are my songs, with or without music....but hey...
1 song per ten posts....you got it boss. MFB III
Last edited by MFB III; 11/10/10 03:33 AM.
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Joined: Aug 2010
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Micheal thanks for the comment, it is truly appreciated. I have already checked out one of yours and am heading to another one now.~~~MFB III
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,831 Likes: 2
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MFB,
First of all....Brian should know that you have gone out of your way to critique other people's lyrics....in my own experience - PMing me to ask where you could find a song of mine to critique and then pulling it from page 2 to reciprocate. You have been very conscious of that and it is very much appreciated. Now to the critique...lol.
This surely captures the atmosphere of Fall with all the sounds that are included in the lines. And though they are sounds you're describing, it’s all very visual as well. Nice flow to it too. Would be fun to hear it!
Good work!
Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,481 Likes: 1
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Mfb,
I can say that you have checked out many of my songs as well. Hey this paints a very clear crisp(no pun intended) picture. Living in Michigan I see and hear all those things every fall. The only line that kinda stuck out was the one about the scribbling eighth notes--didn't get that one. Maybe stick in one line about smelling the crispness of the air then ya got all the senses covered. Don't know if you have a melody in mind--would like to hear this one. Take Care,
Roger
Roger Sosnowski
The happiest people in life are those involved in music
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 9,003 Likes: 1
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MFB--
HERE’S MY TAKE ON YOUR LYRIC IN (CAPS)--JUST THINKING OUT LOUD--JMHO
FEELS GOOD TO BE ALIVE
© 2010 MFBIII
V1
I CAN HEAR NATURE’S rhythm
SOUNDS OF DRY crackling leaves,
THEY MAKE SOFT whistling noises
FILTERING THROUGH the TREES.
RISE
FEELS good to be alive.
CH1
I HEAR Echoes OF FADING SUMMER
COOL NIGHTS AND NORTHERN breezeS,
I Stand beside a SHIMMERING lake,
COLORS reflect DEEP PURPLE SHADES.
V2
I HEAR THOSE banging shutters
A CANADIAN WIND beginS to blow,
THEN THE PELTING RAIN DROPS
BOUNCE on TIN roofs below.
RISE
FEELS good to be alive.
CH2
GEESE HONK WITH URGENT TONES
AS THEY come together flying south,
Climbing chattering gray squirrels
ARE gathering acorns in their mouth.
RISE
FEELS good to be alive.
OUTRO
I HEAR nature's melody
Sends a shiver through me.
FEELS good to be alive.
Last edited by Mackie H.; 11/11/10 02:45 AM.
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 4,237 Likes: 16
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Wow, Msckie post this, it's a goodun....I like it and so will many others...then we will either rise together or simply Fall on our own merits...lol~~~MFB III
Last edited by MFB III; 11/11/10 02:50 AM.
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 9,003 Likes: 1
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MFB-
TIS YOURS TO POST--
Mackie
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Posts: 3,427
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Hi MFB, This certainly does paint a beautiful clear picture of fall. I like the different colors for each verse as well, that was a nice little touch  This is very pretty! Dottie
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Joined: Aug 2010
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Thanks Dottie and Mackie....I will post it mackie, right below mine, and dottie i was going for colors as well as the sounds autumn makes that almost sound like music to our ears. thanks to you both for stopping by...~~~MFB III
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