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This is a rough worktape of a new song. It is really new..like I wrote it yesterday, so that means I didn't give it the several months of sitting in my notebook treatment before recording/posting.

It needs a music break, I think. I was thinking of dusting off my keyboard and perhaps adding a little piano sound to it, but haven't gotten that far just yet. This is the first time I've posted anything where I've attempted harmony with myself. I suck at harmony but I keep practicing all the time anyway. The vocal is not great on this either. I had a really sore throat when I sang this.

I'm looking for feedback on the lyric and what could be added musically, in particular. I'm working on a set of songs that I can perform at open mics, etc and feel this could be a "quiet coffeehouse" song. I've been listening to Sufjan Stevens and Joanna Newsome a lot lately, so there's probably a little of that influence working in this.

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=10231976

You wanted a blue shirt
but I was always green
you wanted a princess
but I was a queen

I couldn't be the thing
you wanted
me to be
I could only be me

You hated my painting
And didn't like my yellow dress
And when my purse
didn't match my shoes
It caused you great distress

You wanted to make me
Someone I could not be
I can only be me

You wanted pink roses
But I was not able
You didn't like
how I gripped my fork
or how I set the table

And now it's time
to pull the vine
where no fruit
will ever be

I can only be me..

Hi Wendy

I always enjoy your post and I like this one. Your voice was beautiful even with a sore throat. The music reminded me of a lullaby. Maybe a piano would add more layers. I get the message of the song. I like the visual pictures used here. I like the contrast of what she wanted you to be. Who is the person who wanted you to be who they wanted you to be--your mother, father, grandfather, sister? This lyric sounds like one continuous stream of thought-- The beginning, middle and end are subtle. I really like this piece. I look forward to your final production.

I like the harmony parts. Your practice is paying off.

I've been doing a lot of open mics lately. Like, thurs-sun. I only do one coffee house through that and I don't stick around too long cuz I have 2 make it 2 another show fairly quick to sign up. But, this is a kin to what's going on there. And it's a college coffee house, if that means anything to you.

The thing with the music on this one was that I liked it because that's how you heard it and I like your style. So for me, I don't even hear it another way. Maybe switch over to strumming for the chorus? But I wouldn't label that as an improvement.

Recently, a JPF member asked if he could use one of my tunes. I said fine by me and he sent me a copy of what he heard with my lyrics. EYE OPENING. Maybe you could try for something like that? It gave me a bunch of cool ideas and I still listen to it because it's good. Tho, I think if you'd have hard feelings about someone 'messing' with your songs, it wouldn't be beneficial. That's all I got.

I really like it, but if you think it's lacking, you heard more.

Hi Wendy,

It's beautiful like everything else I've ever heard you sing.

Dottie

Hi Wendy,

I loved it. I loved the harmony on the last line of each chorus. My suggestions would be to speed it up just a touch, I think there is room for that. I would also try to add a bridge after the second chorus to make it more dynamic. But I really do think it is beautiful and your voice has a really beautiful tone to it. I look forward to hearing some of your other songs.

Wendy,
Keep the soar throat it's working for you just fine. That is the best harmony I have heard you sing period. This is a beautiful song, for many reasons.
Tom

Wendy...nice job...very good harmony...sparse treatment, works fine....your vocal can carry any song...Bob

Very nice, Wendy. I love the harmony - I think it sounds great.

I might lower the harmony volume just a little bit - not much, just a touch.

Lyrically, it worked great for me too. Only line that gives me some pause is "You wanted pink roses, but I was not able". The line basically works for me - maybe not just as strong for me as the others.

Is a nit - it's lovely - as usual for you.

Scott

Thanks to everyone for listening thus far. I'll be back later this evening to post a bit more..have to go pretend to be a dragon right now..but I did want to say thank you for listening.

Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments. I find it very interesting that you thought it was a parent or grandparent. This is actually about my ex-husband. But I can see how it would seem like a mother/daugher or father/daughter type relationship. We've been divorced for a long time now, but I was thinking about something the other night and this arrived in my brain. I really try to avoid personal songs but lately I've written two back to back almost. A wise (or unwise) friend of mine urged me to continue on with these. I just quickly wrote it down and "went" with it. I agree about it needing some layers. Thanks again for your comments and for listening.

Dan,

Thanks for taking a listen. I find it interesting that this sounds like the material you're hearing at the college open mic/coffeehouse. I think that's because I've always been a college radio listener and the music I've been listening to lots lately is probably playing on college radio.

I'm going to get some help from my guitar guru to see if I can work on a little fingerpicked solo on this or something. That would be for when I play it live. In the meantime, I'm going to see if I can add something when I redo the recording.

Thank you, Dottie. You are very kind to come by and listen/comment.

Tracy,

Thanks so much for listening and giving me your thoughts on this. I agree it could be sped-up a little. I'm still getting a feel for playing it, etc. I also agree with adding a bridge, but I'm thinking a musical one. It means a lot to me that you liked it since you write such beautiful songs.

Tom,

You are da bomb. Thanks for posting on this. I really appreciate your comment on the harmony..we both know just how bad I am at it!

Bob,

Thank you very much for listening and posting. I'm looking forward to listening to yours. Love, love, love your voice. I have your version of Follow the Rain and That's Why the Lady is a Tramp on various CD's. You've made many rough commutes more tolerable for me.

WENDY--

I think the simplicity of the song, delivers a suspended innocence to my ears--The harmony adds dimension to the vocal--I LOVE IT!

Mackie

Scott,

Thanks for listening. I think you are right on your two nits. I will lower the harmonies some and put it back up. Also, on the "I was not able line" that was a last minute change. It was actually "I was a potato" which was whimsical but seemed to detract from the overall song. I couldn't think of anything to replace it other than what I have now. But I do think you are correct. Whatever should be there will come to me eventually (I hope).

Hi Wendy!

I'm probably a bit late to the game here (having been caught up in my day job all week *sigh*) but I wanted to add my two cents. For a song that you just started, you have a memorable melody and some intriguing images. It's a well-done start! I think that a few other layers could definitely be added, like a counter guitar part strumming to give it a jangly sound, and maybe sped up a little bit too. The lyrics were just fine to me and the music was done and sung well. It reminded me of the songs I usually hear at open mics in my area: a woman with a lovely voice and a guitar in hand.

In short, I really liked this one and I can't wait to hear how you will take this.

Ann,

Thanks for coming by to post on this. I went on your page and listened to some of your tunes the other night. I really liked the one you did in French. You did a wonderful job with that. About 9 months ago, I studied for a while with an opera vocal coach. She gave me some Italian diction assignments and boy was I terrible at them. I can really appreciate how hard it is to sing in a different language from having attempted that exercise and the song she wanted me to sing.

I don't think I'm smart enough to figure out the counter guitar thing on this (these are kind of invented chords and I'm playing with the capo). I'm a bit of musical dunce. I just knock around on my guitar until I find something that pleases my ear and then I start to try and find things that compliment where I'm going. I agree that adding something along those lines would probably would make it less boring. I'm with you on speeding it up a little as well. Perhaps I posted it too soon and now it should go into the "notebook experiment gone wrong" file for a while until I figure out what to do with it.

Sorry about the day job. Most of my time and energy goes to mine as well.

Wendy,


Love this, your voice is very beautiful..like all your stuff, great...

glyn

Hi Wendy!

I always love hearing you sing.

This is very sad and pretty and also a positive - 'I am not bending to that' statement.

I also thought "parent" with fork, and set-table - though, I can see how it's an ex as well.

This comes from my personal frame of reference.
Aside from that though... those are often things parents correct far more often than exes correct.


It can run either way as-is and will mean different things to different listeners -- which is not a bad thing. Some will see parents. Some exes. It's relatable.

If you *want* to eliminate the 'parent' possibilities with it, then I would suggest finding other items to sub out in that verse - but it DOES work - it's clear and visual.

Hope I'm making sense!

Linda

PS I am SO glad you're not with someone like this anymore!! YIKES (as you said it's biographical)

(Good for you -- get out of that... whew, no one needs that!)


L

As always incredibly beautiful singing my friend. Beautiful write, wow powerful song young lady ... so sad yet conveys a sense of moving on ... that is what music is, canned emotion and you nailed it my dear friend

Dan

Wendy,

I knew exactly what this was about...I do like it and your voice as always, but do think it needs a little section to change up the melody..what is missing is the part where she resolves that being her is good enough and that he will never change....

Just my opinion.

Sounds great!

Tammy

I love the message behind this, it is funny how people think the grass is greener and always try to change the very people they claim to be in love with.

I think this is very pretty, I tend to agree that speeding it up a tiny hair would make it even better, but not much.

I wish I had your talent

Kimberly

Hi,

Good to see you posting another beautiful piece of art.
LOVED the way you sounded here.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Wendy,

Well, this is the third time I've come to listen and I still love it, but thought you were ignoring my comment. Then I noticed I hadn't made one yet. OOPS!

You definitely need to do more harmony on your songs, this sounds great, hard though it may be. A very relateable subject and while some of the lines sound disparate at first, given the topic, they make perfect sense. Been there.

Ricki

Hey Wendy,

Glad I caught this one. Loved it!

I know I've told you before how much I like the simplicity in your production. And I mean that as a large compliment. Your songs don't need anything more. Just right the way they are.

John

Great song Wendy,

The melody is gtreat. Like John said .. i love the simple style.

nice job,
g