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JPF is Back
by John Lawrence Schick - 07/31/26 11:55 AM
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néomÃ
by Gary E. Andrews - 07/24/26 08:58 PM
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I haven’t been around these parts in a while, but I have been writing! I took on a very cool songwriting challenge and my mind can only focus on one thing at a time…  So anyway, this is one that was written during it. I’ve been playing around with the bridge, and have rewritten it now, so I'm wondering if it goes together? Any comments and suggestions are welcome! A Midnight Duet A slight breeze Brushes through your hair And as we walk Love shuffles through the air Your brown eyes Are sweet on me And as we talk We share some stories OR We play and we tease OR There's such energy [ch] There’s an ebb and flow That’s so natural It’s nothing that we plan But it’s right there in our hands We’re dying to get closer And before the night is over We’ll give and we’ll get In a midnight duet The warm sand Wraps around our feet Our hearts keep A fast and steady beat The full moon Draws us in close You and I are What matters most [ch] There’s an ebb and flow That’s so natural It’s nothing that we plan But it’s right there in our hands We’re dying to get closer And before the night is over We’ll give and we’ll get In a midnight duet [br] Moments come and go too soon So we take our time under the brilliant moon And as the tide comes in We welcome the Carolina wind [ch] There’s an ebb and flow That’s so natural It’s nothing that we plan But it’s right there in our hands We’re dying to get closer And before the night is over We’ll give and we’ll get In a midnight duet ©2011 Kristi McKeever
Last edited by Kristi McKeever; 10/14/11 10:46 PM.
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Joined: Jan 2005
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very nice lyrics Kristi!Maybe in the bridge you could mention "skin" instead of wind and maybe a different kind of moon beside brilliant,JMO.I'm just a little nit pickin',sorry. Good luck with it Kristi!
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Hey Kristi,
Suggestions below, keep or sweep:)
A slight (adjective--summer?)breeze
Brushes through your hair
And as we walk togetherLove shuffles through the air
Your (adjective) brown eyes
Are sweet on me
And as we talk
We share some stories ( not considered good craft to rhyme unaccented syllables [-ries] with accented [me]. A one-syllable end rhyme usually falls on the beat
[ch]
There’s an ebb and flow
That’s so natural
The warm (adjective) sand
Wraps around our feet
Our (adjective) hearts keep
A fast and steady beat
The full (adjective) moon
Draws us in close
Only You and I
are What matters most
[br]
Special Moments come and go too soon
So we take our time under beneath the brilliant moon
And as the tide comes rolling in
“I usually start with a title or maybe a little rhyme or phrase.” - Harlan Howard
Co-writing = Compromise!
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Hi Kristi, Good song, here's my thoughts. A Midnight Duet A slight breeze Brushes through your hair And as we walk Love shuffles through the air Your brown eyes Are sweet on me And as we talk We share some stories [ch] There’s an ebb and flow That’s so natural It’s nothing that we planNED But it’s right there HERE in our hands We’re dying to get closer And before the night is over We’ll give and we’ll get In a midnight duet The warm sand Wraps around our feet Our hearts keep A fast and steady beat The full moon Draws us in close You and I are What matters most [ch] There’s an ebb and flow That’s so natural It’s nothing that we planNED But it’s right there HERE in our hands We’re dying to get closer And before the night is over We’ll give and we’ll get In a midnight duet [br] Moments come and go too soon So we take our time under the brilliant moon And as the tide comes in We welcome LIKE the Carolina wind [ch] There’s an ebb and flow That’s so natural It’s nothing that we planNED But it’s right there HERE in our hands We’re dying to get closer And before the night is over We’ll give and we’ll get In a midnight duet ©2011 Kristi McKeever Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
Last edited by Calvin; 10/11/11 07:54 AM.
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Hi Kristi,
I think that this is very lovely, with such a peaceful feel to it!
One thought...in the bridge, when you bring up the Carolina wind...to me, that line gives the couple the east coast geographic location -- but it didn't seem to add much else to the piece. I was thinking that since it's about a Midnight Duet...should some music-related image be brought in? Something about the wind singing to them or something?
Thanks,
Lisa
Last edited by Lisa Gundling; 10/11/11 11:58 AM.
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Hi Michael,
Not nit-picky...details are important! : ) Yeah, mentioning "skin" in the bridge would maybe make it more interesting...I was going for a metaphor there with the wind and tide coming in. I am still pondering "brilliant moon"...it's hard to find a good word to put in front of moon! Thanks for the look over!
Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Hi Shayne,
Hey, thanks for taking such a close look at this! The "me"/"stories" rhyme is something I often don't notice, and has been drawn to my attention before...so thank you...I've been thinking...does "energy" count as an acceptable rhyme? I pronounce it ENergy and ENerGY...so the jury's out on that word for me. So I won't used it...lol. I'm thinking of a few possibilities that speak to the chorus more:
We play and we tease
I'll be looking closely at your suggestions as I edit...I appreciate your ideas very much!
Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Hi Calvin,
Hey, thanks for taking the time to go thru this like that! Your suggestions do smooth it out and maintain the simplicity. The "here" instead of "there" in the chorus makes it more immediate too. And I like that idea in the bridge. It's like a chapter in a book or something.
I'll be reading it all over as I go thru this...
Thanks, Calvin, for all your suggestions!
Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Hi Lisa,
Oh, ya know, the tide/wind line was also a metaphor that is weak, I see...lol....but that's a good idea about linking the Carolina wind to the Midnight Duet. I can play around with it, see if anything comes...
Thanks for your nice comments and ideas!
Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Hi Kristi,
I like how you write somethin' so sweet soundin' with minimal word.
It's such a pretty song already, and it's so nice of all the folks on the site to bring in such great suggestions.
I can tell this one'll be awesome!
Geneva
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does "energy" count as an acceptable rhyme? I pronounce it ENergy and ENerGY If you pronounce it EN-er-GY then the rhyme would work, because that is a common pronunciation.
“I usually start with a title or maybe a little rhyme or phrase.” - Harlan Howard
Co-writing = Compromise!
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Hi Geneva, Hey, thanks for your kind words! Yep...a lot of great suggestions from everyone...I can always count on that here!  Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Hey Shayne...yeah, I thought ENerGY was a natural way to say it...once I draw attention to a word like that...I have to think twice about how to say it naturally! Thanks for your input!
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Hi Kristi, You have a nice start here! I think the verses need to flow a bit better as I kept stumbling and losing the rhythm as I read...but that could be just me. As for your bridge, I like it. If you would like to mention some music to go along with the theme of the piece you could say And as the Carolina tide comes in We hear music playing in the wind Overall, nicely done! I'm glad to see you back on the boards again.
Jennifer (Jinx) Shaner
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Hi Jen,
Nice to see you. I haven’t worked out a melody for this yet, so with all the feedback I’ve gotten, I will see what works as far as flow. Hey, thanks for the bridge suggestion, it certainly fits. I had a metaphor in my mind with “as the tide comes in” and welcoming the wind etc…so I have to think about what I actually want to say there!
Thanks for your thoughtful suggestions! Much appreciated!
Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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