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Weeks
by Gary E. Andrews - 08/29/26 12:08 AM
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Max Ceddo
by Gary E. Andrews - 08/27/26 11:50 PM
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Tin Lung
by Gary E. Andrews - 08/27/26 04:12 PM
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 415
Top 500 Poster
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OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 415 |
Comments and suggestions appreciated since I don't have the Mackie H. or Tampa Stan magic when it comes to lyric writing...
SERVE ME SOME LOVE
lyric by Lloyd Kyrk copyright 2009
[VERSE 1]
Now, I need no vitamins or carbs
Just the fulfilling love from your heart
Cause there's no drive thru lines
Or worrying about getting fat
There's just one serving size
Forget the nutrtional facts
[CHORUS]
Serve me some love
Give me plenty of sugar baby
Serve me some love
But do it before I go crazy
[VERSE 2]
I'm hooked on your servings of sweet love
I can never seem to get enough
I will never gain weight
And I will never take more than I should
But I love the sweet taste
So, make my cholesterol good
[REPEAT CHORUS]
[SOLO]
[BRIDGE]
To me that word diet is a bad word
You know I'm going to take whatever you serve
[REPEAT CHORUS 2X]
I have never been lost, but I will admit to being confused for several weeks. (Daniel Boone)
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,067
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,067 |
“I usually start with a title or maybe a little rhyme or phrase.” - Harlan Howard
Co-writing = Compromise!
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490
Top 20 Poster
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Top 20 Poster
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490 |
Hi Kyrk,
This is cute!
One line that struck me as sort of forced is "make my cholesterol good" -- I think I'd change that, but I'm not sure to what! Also, the "nutritional facts" like kind of struck me as needing something else too.
Thanks,
Lisa
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 415
Top 500 Poster
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OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 415 |
Hi Kyrk,
This is cute!
One line that struck me as sort of forced is "make my cholesterol good" -- I think I'd change that, but I'm not sure to what! Also, the "nutritional facts" like kind of struck me as needing something else too.
Thanks,
Lisa Lisa, Thanks for commenting, I'm still struggling with this and hopefully I will be able to come up with something. Kyrk
I have never been lost, but I will admit to being confused for several weeks. (Daniel Boone)
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 329
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 329 |
Hi, I like the gist, but I'd end the chorus on the hook,and try to find something stronger than
Give me plenty of sugar baby
kinda like
Can't you see
The hunger in me
turn me on dont switch me off
Baby I'm going cazy
Serve me some love
anyway just an idea,
all the best,john
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 415
Top 500 Poster
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OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 415 |
Hi, I like the gist, but I'd end the chorus on the hook,and try to find something stronger than
Give me plenty of sugar baby
kinda like
Can't you see
The hunger in me
turn me on dont switch me off
Baby I'm going cazy
Serve me some love
anyway just an idea,
all the best,john John, Thanks for commenting and for the suggestions. I do appreciate them. Kyrk
I have never been lost, but I will admit to being confused for several weeks. (Daniel Boone)
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