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REVISED -- Now called, "Oh Heart."

Oh Heart
Words by Lisa Gundling; music by Aaron Corley
(c) 2012 Lisa Gundling and Aaron Corley

We built our world from scratch
Made it all our own
Day by day
Constructed stone by stone
We didn't see those gaps
'Til our lives collapsed
Seems our strength set up
A golden trap
Oh heart
Release me from the dark

We’ve not much left but dust
Without us
The foundation is gone
But my fingers trace
An outline of your face
After all these years
It's been hiding
Love lives here

Would you ever go back
To that place where we laughed?
Our journey to that sacred space
Could start with one embrace
If only we knew how
Finding those forgotten vows
Could start now

Maybe I won't know you
In this present time
On and on
Our relentless clock chimes
Our calendar turns
As seasons pass by
Making sure that we learn
How to live with goodbye

When you left me you swore
I'd chased you away
Out fate's door
And I told you to go
Yet I didn't know
I would miss you so

Since then I've traveled too
Searched for a new home
Without you
No matter where I roamed
My soul stayed behind
In our wasteland
Trying to understand
Release me from the dark
Oh, heart


OLD VERSION

Hi Everyone -- Below is the latest that Aaron and I have been working on. The words are set to a very beautiful and haunting piece of Aaron's music, which Aaron will post later. In the meantime, any feedback on the lyric itself is welcome! Thanks! Lisa

Love’s Journey
© 2012 Aaron Corley and Lisa Gundling. All rights reserved.

We built our world from scratch
Made it all our own
Day by day
Constructed stone by stone
Reinforced with steel
But unlike those trapped
In that strong Bastille
We did escape
Oh heart
What moved you to depart?

We’ve not much left but dust
Without us
The foundation is gone
But my fingers trace
Those lines that we had drawn
After all these years
It's been hiding
Hurt lives here

Would you ever go back
To that place where we laughed?
Love's journey to that sacred space
Could start with one embrace
If only we knew how
Love's journey back to our vows
Could start now

Maybe I won't know you
In the present time
On and on
Our relentless clock chimed
Our calendar turned
As seasons passed by
Making sure that we learned
How to live with goodbye

When you left me you swore
I'd chased you away
Out fate's door
And I told you to go
Take your sharp arrows
Where loneliness blows

Since then I've traveled too
Searched for a new home
Without you
No matter where I roamed
My soul stayed behind
In our wasteland
Trying to understand
What made you depart
Oh, heart

Strange enough for me!I like it Lisa and Aaron!Can't wait to hear this one.

Hi there Lisa,

Your work here has me stumped. Out of my league, probably. One thing I can say with certainty - it ain't country!~

It sounds like a cross between The Prisoner Of Chillon, O Captain, My Captain, and Les Miserables.

So, did the guy die or just split with her heart?

At any rate, it is interesting and well written, as all of your posts seem to be. I look forward to hearing it. I'm guessing the singer will be a mezzo soprano?

Hey Lisa and Aaron,
Wow - 48 lines...that's a lot of information for a lyric. I believe you could trim it down to nearly half that and still get your meaning across...plus your sections have different lengths and rhyme schemes.

It needs some serious organization, IMO...keep or sweep

(Rhyme scheme - ABCBDADEFF - 10 lines)
We built our world from scratch (A)
Made it all our own (B)
Day by day (C)
Constructed stone by stone (B)
Reinforced with steel (D)
But unlike those trapped (A)
In that strong Bastille (D)
We did escape (E)
Oh heart (F)
What moved you to depart? (F)

(Rhyme Scheme - AABCBDED - 8 lines)
We’ve not much left but dust (A)
Without us (A)
The foundation is gone (B)
But my fingers trace (C)
Those lines that we had drawn (B)
After all these years (D)
It's been hiding (E)
Hurt lives here (D)

(Rhyme scheme - AABBCCC - 7 lines)
Would you ever go back (A)
To that place where we laughed? (A)
Love's journey to that sacred space (B)
Could start with one embrace (B)
If only we knew how (C)
Love's journey back to our vows (C)
Could start now (C)

(Rhyme scheme - ABCBDEDE - 8 lines)
Maybe I won't know you (A)
In the present time (B)
On and on (C)
Our relentless clock chimed (B)
Our calendar turned (D)
As seasons passed by (E)
Making sure that we learned (D)
How to live with goodbye (E)

(Rhyme scheme - ABACCC - 6 lines)
When you left me you swore (A)
I'd chased you away (B)
Out fate's door (A)
And I told you to go (C)
Take your sharp arrows (C)
Where loneliness blows (C)

(Rhyme scheme - ABABCDDEE - 9 lines)
Since then I've traveled too (A)
Searched for a new home (B)
Without you (A)
No matter where I roamed (B)
My soul stayed behind (C)
In our wasteland (D)
Trying to understand (D)
What made you depart (E)
Oh, heart (E)

Timeless love, un-requited and carrying the torch for so long. lovely lyrics from both of you. ~~~MFB III

The sense of Loss and Longing is pervasive here, and Very Poetically Well-Put.

I know how difficult it sometimes IS to pen Words to Existing Music... It's gonna be interesting to Hear this Sung..& if it's a good "Meld" this should be a Really Good One when finished up.

"Making sure that we learned/
How to live with goodbye" was a particularly Great Couplet...JMO.

Nicely-Done...Looking forwards to it Finished-Up! Good Luck with it!

Best Wishes & Big Hugs,
Stan

I've always found it hard to put lyrics to an existing melody so the best of luck with this one Lisa and Aaron, I'm sure it'll work well.
I latched on to Shayne's point immediately re the different lengths of the verses not however the structure, as shayne again mentioned.
Early days yet and I'm positive this can be sorted with a rewrite of two or was this your intention?
An excellent lyric although a little arty for me to get my head completely around lol
No suggestions right now only good luck with it
Travis

Hi Michael,

Hey -- strange works for me --lol! I'm glad that you like it!
Thanks!
Lisa

Hi Frank,

Of course I had to do a search of "O Captain" and "Prisoner," and while I was doing that, I popped in my Les Miserables CD....and I'm impressed by your strange analogy! I could see a little of each of these things in the song. Although, ironically, I read that "O Captain" had a conventional meter and rhyme scheme, which was, they say, unusual for Whitman!

So, you're correct -- it sure ain't country! I always imagine a grand stage production when I listen to Aaron's music!

(Also, death was not supposed to be in the equation here...just a broken heart!)

Thanks for your nice visit!

Lisa

Hey Shayne,

I was actually thinking, as I worked on it, that I might want it to be lengthier! At 199 words, I think it's one of the shortest I've ever worked on! The music clocks in at 3:13. But it sounds like you're saying that perhaps there's not enough of a story? I see it as: first defining the place that was built, then its destruction, then the possibility of "what if," then the actual journey itself, then the actual reason for the split, and then the conclusion. I'll discuss this with Aaron!

Also, yes, each section has a different length, and I don't know -- a different rhyme scheme doesn't really seem too crazy either! To my ear, it worked with the music, which I know hasn't been posted yet. But I think that it will definitely help to hear the music!

Thank you for your help and always thoughtful comments!

Lisa

Hi MFB,

Thank you for your lovely words here!

Lisa

Hi Stan,

It is hard to pen words while hoping that you're doing the music justice! Aaron's music for this conveys pervasive loss and longing, so I'm glad that you feel the lyric reflects that too!

Thank you for stopping by with your nice thoughts!

Lisa

Hi Travis,

Yes, it is rather unconventional with the varying lengths and rhyme scheme, but, as I mentioned to Shayne, I think that the music will help explain things, once it's posted! You'll then, I think, be able to wrap your head around it!!
This has gone through a number of rewrites, and what we have here is intentional, but that doesn't mean that it can't be changed, if need be!

Thank you for your encouragement and help!

Lisa

You've no business posting attractive pics of yourself on here lolLove to hear it completed
Travis

Wow-this is timless and breathless. I know Aaron's music and I know this will be great.
Cindy

Hi Lisa and Aaron.
I do like the look of this lyric apart from this line.
"What moved you to depart?" I know it's difficult to rhyme with "heart" in a song.
Somehow it doesn't seem natural to me. (Maybe it's a British thing though)
Will be good to hear it with music.
Vic

You have some very good lines here but I cannot pick up on the beat or rhythm. I will look forward to hearing it with music.

Hey Travis -- Hey -- gotta stay current -- lol! Lisa

Hi Cindy,

Thanks for the "timeless and breathless!" I'm delighted that you like it!

Lisa

Hi Vic,

Thanks so much! You have Aaron and I talking about changing that line now. I'll post the new one when we've settled on it! With that great country voice of yours, it's always hard to remember that you're British!

Lisa

Hi Colin,

I hope you do give it a listen and let us know your thoughts once Aaron posts the music! Thanks for your nice visit!

Lisa

I have posted the music on the MP3 forum here. Note that Lisa and I are still discussing some of the suggestions made here. Hopefully, though, hearing the music will help convey to you our 'vision' for this song.

Hi Everyone,

Aaron and I got some really thoughtful, good feedback on this song here and on the MP3 forum. With those in mind, we've made some changes, including a suggestion we got from Scott to use "Oh, Heart" as the title. Because we took his suggestion, it turns out we didn't even need to keep "Love's Journey" in the piece, so we took that out. Anyway, we've made some other changes, too, based on feedback we got, which are posted above. If anyone has further suggestions or comments, we'd love to hear them!

Thanks!
Lisa

Still like this one even better, here's a bump to the top. ~~~MFB III

Thanks, MFB!! I'm glad you like the improvements! Lisa

Lisa and Aaron-this is even more in the"timeless" regions! Great job!
Cindy

Hi Cindy -- I love "timeless!" Thanks! Lisa