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Cardboard Christmas
Barry Williams ©2009

Sitting in the darkness I can hear the bells
ringing for the son of God the first noel
reminds me how he was born n walked without sin
as I pull my blanket close hiding from the wind

I want to go home to my family
I need to see my fathers eyes
let the love he has surround me
hope to find some peace on earth tonight

Stopped in at the mission had hoped to find a bed
just like when he was born nowhere to la my head
I can see the Christmas lights and I hear em sing
but the only tree in sight protects me from the rain

I want to go home to my family
I need to see my fathers eyes
let the love he has surround me
hope to find some peace on earth tonight

Living through this twist of fates been like a silent scream
I'm wondering Lord why ya let me live but took them from me

Lord take me home to my family
I long to stand in your light
let the love you have surround me
Lord help me find some peace on earth tonight

please help me find some peace on earth tonight

Season's Best to ya, Bro Barry!

For Starters, GREAT Hook/Title. (WISH I'd seen it IN the Song..I'll add.)

V1 sets song up nicely.

Chorus:(Lemmie Mess With It...)

I want to go home again & see my Wife & Kids
Try to explain..the pain..'made me do the things I did
Let God above share some love so I won't stay half-hid
Living..another..Cardboard Christmas...

KOS. V2's fine.

Bridge I'll also Mess With a wee-bit, KOS:

Living through this twist of fate's been like a silent scream/
I'm wondering Lord, why let me live, while they're away from me?

(Reason's being, DON'T blame The Lord FOR one's OWN Mishaps/IF he realizes THAT, he's on the road TO recovery.) AND..ya gotta "Bottom-Out" in order TO recover, in most cases.

So..I'd argue for that Wee Change SO there's that Wee Bit OF Hope in this otherwise Very Sad One. Do that & I think you got a Winner Here. Otherwise, it's (pun intended) a Hopeless Case, Methinks!

Good Luck with it, Amigo. Best Christmas Wishes Backatcha, too!
Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

Howdy Barry, Powerful images build a great foundation, Stan's
correct in that you need your great hook in the lyrics
several times if possible, thats what pulled me in to look
in the first place...........Thanks for sharing.......Gus

I would consider the cardboard christmas hook as it is unique but otherwise, I think this is really well done. Good stuff.

Kimberly

When I saw "Cardboard Christmas" for some reason I kept thinking of cardboard Christmas cutouts. I asked my son what the title made him think of and he said the same thing.

I wondered if you could say something like "I'll Spend Christmas in Cardboard." and put that into the chorus or in the first line of the song.

The story makes me think of the story of the Little Match Girl. At first I thought it was going to be more of a prodigal son sort of theme. But at the end we find out the poor person lost all of his/her family.

I like the contrast of the Christmas cheer against the poverty theme. But somehow the plight of homelessness plus the family being wiped out plus the death wish goes and feeling betrayed by the Lord is just a little too much.

I think Stan made a good suggestion about changing the premise of the song a little. The character could have made some choices that got him or her in the situation. It doesn't have to be addiction - it could be just pride that is keeping him or her in the situation.

I love your idea of sympathizing with the Lord in regard to his birth. That might be another way to go also. I don't think any explanation of how the person got into that situation would even be needed. Just a description of the present circumstance coupled with the person feeling sympathy or perhaps empathy for baby Jesus at Christmas would bring a sense of dignity and nobility to the character. Thinking of others despite his or her own dire circumstances. I have seen that happen more than once.

Anyway, good start on this.

Barry,

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

VERY, VERY good WRITE

May consider: IMO
BR
Living through this PARADOX IS like a silent MOVIE
Wondering Lord why ya let me live but KEEP them from me


Mackie

A friend of mine made a video for this write. I hope this is the right place to put it. I'm interested to know what you all think of how it turned out with music.
The video.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=764tyA1Usgs

The video is very good, Barry. I didn't realize most of this post was 3 years old! :-) Anyway, if you're going to go commercial with this song, I would follow some of Stan's suggestions or change the title to "Home To My Family". I would like having the 1st chorus be about his earthly family, then return again in the 2nd about his heavenly family (maybe members who have moved on there by name). But I think you have a little gem here, and with a little work it could be great! Not bad as it is, but I think it could be even better.

Hi Barry,

I thing the song and video is awesome.
Some of the wording in the video is changed for the better, and it sounds great.

I don't get any "Blaming God" from the song, I hear a song of "hope".

It's always great to have the title repeated in the chorus or verses, but I for one don't think it's necessary. Your title is very catchy and sums up the song.

I love that title. Something like "Find peace on earth tonight", cause it repeats it's self would be good, but wouldn't impact me near as much as what you've got here.

Geneva

382 views. Interesting how a
great hook can draw so much
attention!

Hi Barry,

Wow -- this is very powerful! It's a winner!
Lisa