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by Fdemetrio - 04/25/24 01:36 AM
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by Rob B. - 04/21/24 08:40 PM
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https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13691898Another completed song with a Mike Zaneski production and vocal. Music and lyric by me. On discussing the project prior to Mike's work, the name Christy Moore cropped up once more. We both like the Christy brand of Irish contemporary folk,so there's more than a hint of his influence here. Thanks in advance for the listen, and hopefully your comments. Travis Her pillow's not big enough for all her dreams. Chorus She lies fast asleep, drifting to some distant land where sugar coated trees and chocolate fountains stand And bet she runs through summer meadows and streams her pillow's not big enough for all her dreams. Verse Piggy back rides, candy bars, cuts on her knees hugs from her mom a play house in the trees Falling out with her best friend, making up again tantrums when she couldn't play out in the rain Verse Nursery to college in the blinking of an eye times in between heartaches. laughter and sighs toothache, measles, those school grade tests all that homework done,go give it your best Chorus She lies fast asleep, drifting to some distant land where sugar coated trees and chocolate fountains stand There she goes running through the meadows and streams her pillow's not big enough for all her dreams Verse When her prince finally comes sweeps her off her feet no white charger but her life might be complete Time to spread those wings she's outgrown the nest we'll miss her lots around the home,but not the mess! Bridge Yes we'll miss our little miss non the less Chorus 2 When she lay fast asleep, drifting to some distant land where sugar coated trees and chocolate fountains stand There she goes running through the meadows and streams her pillow's not big enough for all her dreams.
Last edited by Travis david; 02/13/18 03:29 AM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Nice song that definitely has an Irish vibe.
The imagery in the lyrics are outstanding! Well delivered vocal with a nice big sound. The accompaniment was really well done and had just the right 'flavor' for this tune.
Two minor things grabbed my attention: 1. hugs from her mom a play house in the trees => Hugs from her mom, playhouse in the trees (lose the 'a'). 2. The transition into the final chorus is a bit abrupt with a kind of minor hiccup in the rhythm (just for a second, then it resumes beautifully).
Mix is excellent although I would have liked that awesome accompaniment to be a bit louder.
Fantastic!
Peace, TC
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geez Travis! how well written is this! man what a super job on that end. really enjoyed this song. light, had a bright appealing nature to it. and Michael Z always on target with his music. writing and music I thought "very pro...Lane
Last edited by lane1777; 02/12/18 10:51 PM.
"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction, one might save you from the other...Vincent
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Travis and Mike,
Well, first, this is so well done—really every aspect shines, from the lyric, melody to the production. I’ll confess, just reading the title to the song, i was thinking this might be something more tongue in cheek (think innuendo). That’s my twisted mind, I guess! But might want to think about that title (and, regardless, it has a typo in that there should at least be an apostrophe in “pillows” (i.e., “pillow’s”). Great tune, awesome production!
All the best,
Deej
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Well done, you two. Love the flow of the lyric and the sentiment of the song. As usual, Mike has done this up with style and imagination... while maintaining an Irish sounding melody. Kudos to you both. ----Dave
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Hey this is a really nice one guys. Maybe I am stupid or too tired or something but when I go to the site it is saying the author is John Vaughn.
Did I miss something along the way?
Anyway, beautifully done.
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Travis,
Mike Z did a great job with the music to these wonderful lyrics. Having a daughter, I appreciate much about the song! Nice work guys!
steady-eddie
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Thanks for the listen and suggestions TC. Dropping the A isn't a problem and yes a lot smoother. I don't hear so good so I take your suggestion. If and when Mike comes along I'm sure he will address this and the last chorus point. Pleased you liked it generally though. Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Cheers Lane, that was great feedback.I thank you and Mike for his solid work on the song. Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Definitely get the Christy Moore vibe on this one ...nicely produced and strong lyrics, well done! ( And it can be either pillow's i.e. singular or pillows plural ) Kevin
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Hi Travis and Mike. A little too much sugar for me, lyrically but it's well put together and Mike's done a fine job production wise. When you say you did the music, do you mean the melody?
Vic
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Hi Deej you're right of course an apostrophe is needed and sorted cheers Thanks for your visit and pleased to know you liked the song Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Thanks Dave R .I always appreciate your visit and comments. Thanks again for your support John
Last edited by Travis david; 02/12/18 07:58 AM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Hello DS JV is my real name TD a name i write under usually as there appears to be one too many JV's around. Thanks for the listen David much appreciated JV or TD
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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"her pillow's not big enough for all her dreams."
Great line. I enjoyed reading the lyrics as well as listening to the song. Softly landing rhymes throughout the song which is a nice aspect to a song about a sleeping daughter.
Nice job fellas,
Martin
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Hi Steady That's good It was aimed at guys like you lol. We have two sons so i'd better get writing . Thanks for the feedback Ed here and on FB John
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Travis/Mike,
Cool title and nice imagery throughout to chase the idea. A nice listen. A pleasant production.
fj
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Thanks Kevin that's what I thought re the apostrophe but i changed it anyhow lol Thanks for your ears. Appreciate your visit Travis
Last edited by Travis david; 02/12/18 10:22 AM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Hi Calvin Thanks once more for your support Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Yes the melody Vic. I wrote the lyric about 4 years ago shelved it and did a rewrite. Like you i thought the same thing about it lyrically. Worried it might be a little too twee. Mike thought it was sweet and went ahead with a nod to Ireland Thanks for the listen John
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Thanks Martin I'm pleased it hit the right note with you Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Hi Floyd Thanjs for your listen and thumbs up. Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Excellent collaboration guys This has a nice grove to it.
Beautiful concept and title. “Her pillow's not big enough for all her dreams”
I liked the bit of music after the 2nd chorus around 1:25… very cool
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Thanks Mr. N. Pleased you enjoyed it especially Mike's magic Travis
Last edited by Travis david; 02/12/18 05:20 PM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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What sweet lyrics, Travis/John and I really like the quick pace of the song...kinda like a little girl skipping through the fields! Well thought out and executed production as well, Mike. Another successful JPF collab! Ricki
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Hi Ricki Thanks for that great feedback! Regards Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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The song has gone to the number one position in two Soundclick charts. Travis
Charts position » highest in charts: # 9 (150,503 songs currently listed in Acoustic) » highest in sub-genre: # 1 (19,735 songs currently listed in Acoustic > Acoustic Folk) » today's position: # 9 in Acoustic » today's position in sub-genre: # 1 in Acoustic Folk
Last edited by Travis david; 02/13/18 03:30 AM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Travis and Mike
Great feel good song, I love it and Helen does as well
God Bless Roy and Helen
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Hi Roy & Helen Thanks for the listen and feedback. I've not seen you around for sometime? All the best to you both, hope you are both keeping well! Regards Travis
Last edited by Travis david; 02/13/18 06:41 AM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Got an email from the BBC who are considering the song for inclusion in their Introducing programme this Thursday. If it goes ahead it'll get a repeat play on Saturday. A recent song got four plays but they won't reply to emails asking if there's any response from listeners. Which is annoying!
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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That is very awesome, Travis! And I'll be hoping the BBC is smart enough to include it. Congrats!
Deej
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Cheers Deej Fingers crossed. Thanks Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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I'm a late comer to this one but hat's off to you both. When I first saw the title I was figuring this would be another song about a guy not being able to work it out with his wife/girlfriend,lol. Man was I wrong. Love this song. Lyrics bring us all back to our youth and the Irish take is great. Although I'm not Irish I am one day of every year--St. Pat's day,lol. And I've always been partial to the song--Black Velvet Band. Keep up the great work, Roger
Roger Sosnowski The happiest people in life are those involved in music
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Thanks Roger. I'm from the Welsh camp along with Dave Rice and Vic Arnold but love the Gaelic influence of the Irish music Appreciate your thumbs up.,enjoy St Paddy's Day it'll be here soon! Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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How cool is that?!
We are fans of open/airy productions like this that offer exactly what is needed (and no more) to both support rich lyrical imagery and well delivered vocals. This production has those elements in spades.
Nice!
J&B
Check out our new album Janice Merritt "Am I Blue Enough?" on Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora, Amazon and others.
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Thank J & B. Really appreciate your positive feedback Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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I understand the song is getting a play on Friiday on a radio show called Sophie's Springboard. It's local radio station called Source based in Cornwall. Quite a lot of listeners though Travis
Last edited by Travis david; 02/16/18 06:19 AM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Nice folk type song. Good images and nicely produced. Congratulations on all the "attention" the song is receiving.
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Thanks Iggy! The song was played tonight on BBC Radio Cumbria's Introducing.The programme is repeated on Saturday. Thanks for your listen and comment Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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The song will be played on Source Radio this afternoon. The shows called Sophie's Springboard. Vic will be getting a song played also! Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Nice tune. The title hook is really nice as were the overall lyrics and story line. I really like this but have few suggestions.
I was a bit thrown off by the chorus verse, then two verses, then the chorus again. For me, I wasn't sure what was the chorus. Also, not a lot of contrast between the chorus and verses early on. Around 2:00 the choruses change up and become a clearer contrast to the verses. Maybe that fits the style, but I'd prefer to start with a more familiar verse/chorus and provide more contrast between them.
I was also slightly thrown off at first how the song starts with "kid stuff" like "candy bars" and "cuts on knees" and later talks about a prince sweeping her off her feet. Seemed like a really fast transition and the time order a bit off. For example, in the second verse you say "nursery to college in the blinking of an eye" and then talk about "grade school" so it was like going back in time a little. I suggest looking closely at how time moves through the verses. I'd open that second verse with "Nursery to grade school in the blinking of an eye" and end it with her finishing high school.
If you did swap the first chorus and verse you could make the transitions a bit clearer. Verse one about nursery to grade school, verse two about grade school through high school, verse three about college through leaving the nest.
Another thought is to mix up the second line of the chorus so at each stage she's dreaming more and more grown up dreams. The first chorus would be the "sugar coated trees and chocolate fountains stand". The second dream could be about "Falling out with her best friend, making up again" and the third dream could be about the prince sweeping her off her feet.
I came late to this, it's a lot of suggestions, and I see the song is doing well on Soundclick, so feel free to ignore but it's just what struck me as I listened to this really nice song.
..ant
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Hi Ant Thanks for your ears and comments. I started the song with the chorus to set the scene and felt also it needed the hook in early to set up the verses, i know this is usually the other way around lol To explain the shift i used "times in between" To my ears there is a subtle shift in the c to the v and as the song moves it becomes more obvious. This is the direction i wanted really. No the v c v c structure is'nt in here but if it works i don't believe it matters. The song has done well on SC number one on two charts It's also had plays on the UK BBC programme Introducing plus a play on Source Radio so it's been successful. And i thank Mike's work on it the reason why Cheers Ant Travis
Last edited by Travis david; 02/19/18 12:17 PM.
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The song received a further play on Source Radio today
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Great imagery, Travis - and I love the bouncy Irish feel. Congrats on getting it played!
Scott
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Thanks Scott appreciate your listen and comments Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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