Originally Posted by Cognac
Hi everyone....got a new tune, and would love to hear your thoughts!! Thanks for taking the time ;-) -Tom

“Poisoned Stain”
By Tom Tognaci

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12314813

Heed the warnings, down that lonely road
Watch for signs along that dark highway
Many men have been to her abode
None, the same, ever came back this way

In the hunger of the night, she’ll wait
Behind lies designed to comfort you
Once her legs are wrapped around your fate
Forever will she stain your virtue……..

…She’s got razors in her eyes
She’s got vice flowing in her veins
Holds the keys to where death resides
She leaves a poisoned stain

Keep yourself a pocket full of stones
She’s the kind you do not kiss and tell
If she gets her chance to jump your bones
You’ll curse the day you didn’t run like hell……..



Hi Tom,
I like this...a lot. In fact, it's almost awesome.
The last two lines kind of ruined it for me.
The last line is "okay", but not as strong as the rest of the lyric. It's a bit of a letdown.
The next to the last line seems to me to be totally out of place in this song. The rest of the lyric is poetic and delivered with a certain sensitivity...and then you drop "jump your bones" on us. I feel like that's too crude to be a part of this lyric.. Not "crude" in a nasty way, but more in an undeveloped way. I'm not sure the tone of that phrase fits with the rest of the narration.
Other than that, great job. I could hear a band like Kansas or Styx doing a song like this.
Kurt