Originally Posted by onehandsomedog
Well I have been getting behind a little, but here's #11

http://youtu.be/Sg4J2TU5pRQ


PEBBLES ON THE ROAD
By Aaron Barber
© 2014
I like this a lot but felt some words need trimming for better flow with the music....offering a little help on it, keep or sweep as they say. smile
VERSE
The weather's too hot and it'll probably rain--the weather's too hot and it looks like rain
What's up with the price of gas
He missed his turn 'cause he's too concerned
Being stuck behind another jackass
Joe don't know that no one really cares
'Cause he's always got a complaint
And anyone can make it rain--I would consider switching lines around because it may tell the story a little better to introduce us to Joe first..
something like --
Joe missed his turn 'cause he's too concerned
Being stuck behind another /[color:#3366FF]one more jackass (one more may fit better than another)
says the weather's too hot, bet it'll rain ( maybe consider-- what a pain -cause you have rain already in this and using it twice kinda takes away from that cool last line--)
What's up with the price of gas
Joe don't know that no one really cares
'Cause he's always got a complaint
And anyone can make it rain--[/color]
CHORUS
Spend their days in misery
Kickin' up dust so no one will see
They're really pickin' rust from a brand new jeep--maybe drop the really, they're picking rust or looking for rust on a brand new jeep
Sounds like pebbles on the road to me

VERSE
Tom became a dad at 19 years
Working a simple job
Selling shoes in an old cheap suit
Whatever it took to keep the lights on--drop THE
Says I've seen a lot of folks complain
'Bout every little thing in life--'bout the little things in life
I don't listen to them cry
'Cause they're just

CHORUS
Spend their days in misery
Kickin' up dust so no one will see
They're really pickin' rust from a brand new jeep
Sounds like pebbles on the road to me

BRIDGE
This ain't a perfect world spinning around
You gotta look on the bright side once in awhile
or you'll be

CHORUS
Spend your days in misery
Kickin' up dust so no one can see
You're really pickin' rust from a brand new jeep
Sounds like pebbles on the road to me


It looks like if you are doing a song a week it is quite the challenge..I really like this a lot...the melody is catchy, you have a really nice voice. I just felt in verse one you may wanna switch it around to introduce us to Joe earlier on because as it is, its not clear to the listener who is complaining..I also offered some places I would drop a word or two to perhaps help it flow a little easier.
Best of luck on this..keep up the good work

Kimberly

*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
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