A suggestion...


What seemed interesting to me about this song was the backstory of presumably a security guard sitting in an office and watching day turn tonight and back today again, and contemplating the isolation of that.

That might come across more if you changed it from first person to third person. That puts the viewer or listener back from the scene rather than in it themselves. I still suggest creating some sort of circumstance that is a little more relatable to all types of people.

https://soundcloud.com/sunset-poet-of-texas