JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 The Porch

Hi Steve,

It's gotta be country if it has the word "porch" in it!!! Lyrically it works. The lyric line lengths are the same in the verses and chorus which can be a no-no since it's good to shake it up but if the melody really changes in the chorus, it might not matter. Wondering if a bridge would help and you could do the bridge in longer lines? Just a thought. You might want to change one little word that changes the meaning in verse 2. You have:

i'll sit upon my porch for now
i've got beer i have to nurse
i can't find a way to waste my time
that don't keep me from her

Should you do away with the word "don't" in 4th line and say:

I'll sit upon my porch for now,
I've got beer I have to nurse,
I can't find a way to waste my time,
That keeps me from her.

And you could even add a word to fill in what may be a missing thought or beat like this:

I'll sit on my porch for now,
I've got a beer that I can nurse,
Still I can't find a way to waste my time,
That keeps my thoughts off her.

Just some ideas but I do think you have to get rid of the word "don't" there cause I don't think it's what your trying to say.

Best,
Lynn
P.S. I'll share a quick interesting LeJeune story. Andy called and guess what. He was wrestling this AM and fell into a colony of fire ants and got bitten alot and had to get epinephrine cause it was all red, itching and spreading and to prevent anaphylactic shock. Here I am worrying about mortars and it's the ants that get him. He's fine now.