Hey Polly,

Personal songs are always the way to go -- as long as you make them "personal" to other listeners, and I think you do that here. I think you should move from a verse 3 and 4 to just a verse 3, it will cut down the length a little and focus your word choices a little bit.

Vs. 3
Nothing could have ever made me strong enough for this
My whole world is dying and my heart's a sinking ship
Nothing left inside me I'm just empty and alone
She's got you and I am on my own.

Vs. 4
Once a heart is broken it will never really mend
Nothing's left between us and I'll never trust again
Wish I'd known what I know now, It's hard to see the truth
You're lying when you're saying "I love you".

could be reduced to

Vs. 3
Nothing could have ever have prepared me for this
My whole world is dying, my heart's is sinking
Once a boat takes on water and goes to the bottom
the sunlight it saw, the breeze in its rigging
... is quickly forgotten

... or something like that.

Kevin

"Good science comes in peer reviewed journals. Conspiracy theories come in YouTube videos. "
Kevin @ bandcamp: Crows Say Vee-Eh