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Lot Long
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/10/26 11:20 AM
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 691
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 691 |
Polly:
Really heartfelt lyrics here, this should defintely work with a proper melody. Just a couple of small nits that jumped out at me. In V1, line 4, I'm wondering why you used "she moved in your heart" instead of "she moved into your heart". In V4, line 2, I would have phrased it "nothings left between us and I won't trust you again". It's this jerk in specific that won't be trusted, and I would hope you eventually find someone who is worth trusting.
Can't wait to hear the song!
Ott (AKA "The Troll")
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