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Lot Long
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/10/26 11:20 AM
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,303 Likes: 1
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,303 Likes: 1 |
Hi Mackie. Good story here. I cant wait to hear this if it goes to full production.
I did think that the line ‘Now they both lay dead in the sand’ was maybe out of rhyme convenience. Sorry friend. Maybe if somewhere before a beach had been mentioned then ‘sand’ would have worked for me.
Anyway here is a suggestion, KOS.
V1
Why did she have to cheat on me
I’m her loving hard working man
That slick devil should’ve let her be
Now they both lay dead BY MY HAND.
I did think that maybe the end could have resolved where he done his time…and we find he was talking about past event. Would need a couple of small tweaks to work.
“Life in prison”.......”Life in prison”....
Never made me forget”
“Life in prison”.......”Life in prison”....
....NEVER made me forget............................
Anyway Mackie just me rambling
I do like it though
God Bless Roy and Helen
'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'
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