I liked the vocal a lot - it gave the whole thing a sort of sppoky feel. I found it more of a mood piece than a story song though - Stan's rewrite may be worth a look to make the character seem more believable since he didn't seem angry enough to regret it and just a little to melancholy for someone who would shoot his wife and the cheater.

I have no idea which movie you're referencing though, so if the current way fits better with the movie then that's probably the way to keep it.

Loved the creepy music in the background. It kinda had the feel of an old detective film/radio series/novel.

Just some thoughts - take or leave!