"Promises" occurs in the 2nd line of the Chorus and is forgotten by the time I get to the end of the Chorus. It doesn't seem to sum up the storyline, qualifying as THE hook, the point of the whole story. I'd make "To Have You Home Today" the title, and use it in each Chorus.

It seems too vague, for too long. It needs to get to the point quickly, setting the 'scene' or 'mood' up front, and developing it out through the 'story'. 'Hook factor' commences in the first sounds heard, especially the first lyrical line.

I'd match the verses more closely to each other, in the number of syllables, dictating the number of notes in the melody, and in the rhyme-scheme.

I'd try to simplify the Bridge.


Perhaps like this;

To Have You Home Today

Copyright 2011 / Michael E. Lynch

We took an oath, when we were kids
'Til death do us part
All YOUR precious little memories
Are hidden deep inside my heart

Pouring rain, or a new last name
Can't wash you off my mind
I don’t hear your country music
Or get flowers and red wine

So many things, I still want to say
Promises, we said we would never break
It’s supposed to be me and you,
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do,
To Have You Home Today

One of these days, we’ll meet again
In a better place
I stand here looking in the mirror
At all the emptiness, I face

The willow weeps. The ivy creeps
Your dog sits by the door
She must think you’ll come home soon
Like a hundred times before.

So many things, I still want to say
Promises, we said we would never break
It’s supposed to be me and you,
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do,
To Have You Home Today

Bridge:

We breathed the air together, every night for all thOse years
If I could only turn the hour glass, the heartache, and the fear

Short Solo

So many things, I still want to say
Promises, we said we would never break
It’s supposed to be me and you,
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do,
To Have You Home Today

There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com