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Lamb.wavv
by Gary E. Andrews - 06/05/26 04:07 PM
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Highwomen
by Gary E. Andrews - 06/02/26 08:15 PM
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Söndörgő
by Gary E. Andrews - 05/31/26 01:28 AM
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 382
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 382 |
Sorry no post for long time:new job,big challenge for me. Heh,I'm a real amateur lyric writer I know,but like to post anyway just for fun:
v1
My boots got a virus
It effects the way I walk
The boss is looking strangely
It effects the way I talk
My throats got a frog
I'm passing it around
My life's got a problem
Nights are spinning to the ground
chorus
The band played soft and low
My babe don't love me no more
v2
So I went out to the doctor
Who told me tie one on
What kind of advise is that
Alcohol is poison
He said poison has properties
That sometimes work just fine
You might need a little jolt
For a better frame of mind
chorus
The band played soft and low
My babe don't love me no more
V3
So I went out to the minister
You know what he said
Get on your knees boy
Put a bible to your head
But before you blow your brains out
On the good words of the lord
Remember what that Thomas said
It'll be all you can afford
chorus
And the band played soft and low
My babe don't love me no more
v4
So I headed to the blues bar
Just a short medicinal hit
Behind the church of charity
The next place that I'd visit
While reading in my Gideons
By far the greatest of these
Saw the minister in dark corners
And my wife dressed for tease
chorus
And the band played soft and low
My babe don't love me no more
Tag
The moral of the story
The one to make my pal
If I was more like the minister
I probably still have my gal
Thanks fo readin!
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240 |
wow...bean counter...glad i took a look at this... good writing.... let some other folks nit if any..... I'se gotta run..... Kaley ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/smile.gif)
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,675
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,675 |
My Bean!
I love this! Good job!
Yes, there are nits like the two syllable words used in your rhyme scheme playing havoc but, the story flows fairly well imo. And, it certainly is blues! Which, I love incidently.
Good Luck!
RB
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 247
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 247 |
Hey Bean, I wanted a little more chorus,but It was easy to read into how your short chorus worked.(just right). Cool Song.
Scoot
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 382
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 382 |
Hi Kaley thanks for the look.I thought I was heading for a goose egg-lol!
Hi Ron was that the visit/hit bit? I could change that I think.thanks for reading!
Gee thanks Scoot...good of you to say...
Thanks folks...guess I'll try making up some music to this then...I appreciate your encouraging words!
Bill D
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 1,512
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 1,512 |
Hi Bill! I liked this one too! Looked just like blues to me also. (Happens to be my all-time favorite) I was seeing your chorus as more of a refrain. That works really well with free form blues to break up the monotony. Some really good lines here!
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Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,427 Likes: 82
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,427 Likes: 82 |
Finally getting back to this one….LOL. Did a blues suno just for the hell it. post later.
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