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I could do with some help on this one - it really doesn't want to come out as I want it to! - however much I look at it "as if" it does!

As If

Verse 1

Someone brave and wise I used to know
Gave me this advice when I was low
“Two little words will make your spirits lift
Take each moment, live your life - “as if”

Verse 2

As if your head and heart are free of pain
And waves of doubt don’t roll around your brain
As if the clouds are coloured beautiful
And every dawn’s a miracle

Chorus

Open your heart, reveal your mind
And the universe will respond in kind
Let the world be good to you
And you’ll see it in a light that’s new

Verse 3

As if the sky resembled melted gold
Instead of leaden wet December cold
As if outside your door were meadowed hills
Velvet-floored and blossom-filled

Verse 4

As if the world was spinning on your hand
And you could stop it anywhere you planned
And each unmeasured drop of morning dew
Held hidden treasure just for you

Chorus

Open up girl, unlock your mind
Explore the wonder of all you find
The key to the door is in your soul
The keeper of secrets can make you whole

Open your heart, reveal your mind
And the universe will respond in kind
Let the world be good to you
You’ll find a truth that will see you through

Copyright © December 2004 by D Rulliere

Johannasvision - I think this is lovely as is. And I don't always say that. I really like your chorus. Anne

Sorry Diane,

no nits from this corner of the globe.

this a great example of building a better mouse trap: the well known saying sing like no one is listening, dance like no one is watching....comes immediately to mind, but then you take it to such a higher level; it matters not the familiarity!!!

Thank you Anne - that means a lot to me!

Diane

Thanks Ritt. I've always danced like no one's watching - just have to learn how to sing like no one's listening

Diane

just say: the hell with them all big and small!!!

Hi Diane,

Just as the others have said, great job, but, I wondered about this word...LEADEN
Instead of (LEADEN ) wet December cold.
That one word just sticks out at me.
I like ICY instead.
It's just a small nit & maybe I shouldn't have even brought it up.
I really like the feel of the whole thing.

Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/bands/0/calvinstewartmusic.htm



[This message has been edited by Calvin (edited 12-21-2004).]

Thanks Calvin. I guess "leaden" might be labouring the alliteration a little. I like "icy" - I'll think about that one - thanks!

Diane

Very lovely, well crafted lyrics...Diane..
Nice Job....

best to you....
Kaley

Thank you Kaley

....and the very best to you too!

Diane

Hi again - I see what Calvin's saying about leaden - it may not sing as well. But I know what you are talking about with that lead-colored sky. Icy wouldn't convey the same image and the lead contrasts with gold in the previous sentence. This is a very tiny change that might sing better but may not even sound different:

"As if the sky resembled melted gold
Instead of lead in wet December cold"

I like it how you have it just fine though. Anne

G'Mornin' Lady Di!

GREAT Hook/Concept!

Consider Condensin' Chorus a bit:
"And the Universe RESPONDS in-kind"
"(And-delete) You'll see it in a Light that's New"

Maybe "Instead of SOMBER GRAY December cold"
&.."And each DANCING Drop of Morning Dew"

Last Chorus, perhaps start Last Line off with "THAT" & eliminate 2 "The's" in a Row.

All K-O-S, "KUDOS" for an Inspirational One Well-Penned, & Good Luck with it!

Big Christmas Hugs,
Stan

I don't use this word much in critiques, but this is beautiful. Very soothing, too. I did notice that "leaden" thing, but saw Kaley's remarks on it. If it needed changing, I think her suggestion would work. Certainly shouldn't do anything to change the meaning, though.

This is a really good job, Diane. Nicely done.

Randy

------------------
http://www.songramp.com/homepage.ez?Who=RandyB
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/4/randybakermusic.htm

Hi again Anne - you came back!

Your little change from "leaden" to "lead in" might well do the trick - guess it would only matter if anyone, by any miracle, got to sing it!

Thanks again!

Hi Stan the Man!

Thanks for all your suggestions - and your praise! I will think about all of them.

Big Christmas hugs to you too!

Diane

Thank you Randy, for your lovely words - means a lot to me!

As you are now aware, I am not at all musical - so if you've a mind to give this a little "soothing" noise, you'd be giving me a great Christmas present!

Diane

Hi Diane,

Verse 2

As if your head and heart is free of pain
And waves of doubt don’t roll THROUGH your brain


Chorus

Open your heart, reveal your mind
And the universe will respond in kind
Let the people (see the light in you)
And you’ll see in them a new light too.

Open your heart, reveal your mind
And the universe will respond in kind
Let the people see the love in you
That light will shine in the things you do.

Let your light shine in the things that you do.

Open your heart, reveal your mind
And the universe will respond in kind
You’ll see the world of wrong in a brand new light
You'll take a stand, and help to make it right.

------------------
TallT



[This message has been edited by Tall_Terry (edited 12-23-2004).]

Hi there Tall T!

Thanks for your suggestions - you know I always value them. I like your chorus - could work as the last chorus? - I'd like to keep "let the world be good to you" somewhere - I feel that's important.

But I kinda like the last two lines of verse 2 as they are.

Thanks Terry

Hi Diane,

Forgot to tell you how great this is!
To tell you the truth, I was in a rush and kind of got hung up around "Rolled around" when I thought waves would roll "through".

Then I started monkeying around too much. . . Everybody plays the fool sometimes. . . sorry.
I confess, I hadn't read the whole song through first. I sometimes critique that way to avoid distraction but that approach only works sometimes.

Verse 3

As if the sky resembled melted gold
Instead of leaden wet December cold
As if outside your door were meadowed hills
Velvet-floored and blossom-filled

LOVE THIS VERSE! ( Line one could be less pedestrian "resembled")

Verse 4

As if the world was spinning on your hand
And you could stop it anywhere you planned
And each unmeasured drop of morning dew
Held hidden treasure just for you

BEAUTIFUL!

Chorus

Open up girl, unlock your mind
Explore the wonder of all you find
The key to the door is in your soul
The keeper of secrets can make you whole

KILLER! Especially last line!

Line 3 . . . Needs to be stronger I think.

------------------
TallT

[This message has been edited by Tall_Terry (edited 12-23-2004).]

Praise indeed Terry! - and much appreciated!

Thanks for coming back

Diane

G'Mornin' Again, Lady Di!

Re-Read again this AM...& 'Nuther Suggestion Popped Out:

I'd replace that "And" Last Line V2 with "As If".

& maybe those 2 "And"s that open Lines in V4, too.

Again, Good Luck with this Good'n',
Big Hugs,
Stan

Hi again Stan, and thank you for coming back again!

I think you have a fine suggestion there - as long as you think it sings well - with all those "as ifs"!

Diane