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Couch was explaining his dislike of “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy” recently at another site. The stupid song then got lodged in my head...and soon gave way to this goofy take off.

She Thinks My Protractor’s Sexy
©2001 Corey Parkman
(parody of Kenny Chesney’s “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy”)

v.1
Checkin’ test scores in the cool office air
When my baby walks in, Lordy lookee there
with pimento cheese spread and a 2 liter of ginger ale
She pulls up a seat and I whip it on out
What she came here to see, honey, there’s no doubt
Just look at her face, it ain’t that hard to tell

Chorus
She thinks my protractor’s sexy
It really makes her hot
She says she likes my angles, I like her curves a lot
She likes the way I measure to exact degrees
Yeah, she really loves my geometry
She’s the only one who proves my lovin’ theory
She thinks my protractor’s sexy

v.2
I check every inch till it’s time to go home
I put away my tool and it makes her moan
Honey, you’ve spent all day looking over increments
She reaches her hand down into my drawer
Says she wants to see me use it some more
“Let’s stay here all night and check each other’s measurements”

She thinks my protractor’s sexy
It really makes her hot
She says she likes my angles, I like her curves a lot
She likes the way I measure to exact degrees
Yeah, she really loves my geometry
She’s the only one who proves my lovin’ theory
She thinks my protractor’s sexy

Bridge
Well she ain’t into compasses or even slide rules
But a plastic semi-circle makes her drool

She thinks my protractor’s sexy
It really makes her hot
She says she likes my angles, I like her curves a lot
She likes the way I measure to exact degrees
Yeah, she really loves my geometry
She’s the only one who proves my lovin’ theory
She thinks my protractor’s sexy
She thinks my protractor’s sexy
She thinks my protractor’s sexy


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There's no one so annoying as someone with more common sense than you, but less intelligence.
-unknown

http://www.edparkonline.homestead.com/Home.html

OMG!!!! This is WONDERFUL!! Cletus would be on this like white on rice! And I didn't think anyone else in the free world knew what the hell pimento cheese is! To me, it's "hangover medicine". My husband knows I drank too much when I send him to the store for some pimento cheese!!! And the jars make perfect drinking glasses for the little ones....

You did a fantastic job with using the protractor theme all the way through. I never took geometry, so I'll have to trust you on that issue. I learned everything I know about measuring from men. I've been told for so long that ________________________ is 12 inches, I really don't know anymore!

Good stuff and a nice way to break up the day!

Tink

Corey: This cracked me up!! It's perfect! Just what I needed this afternoon. Thanks for the laugh!

Ricki

Corey, I needed this right now. You are a master at the double intended. I think that is more intense than inuendo. Also loved Tink's response. Another good chuckle. I've heard that line before too.
_________________________________ one foot
Oh Yea!! Idamarie

You already know HOW MUCH I HATE THAT SONG! LOLLLLLLLLLLLL! This is MUCH Better than Kenny's version; that IS THE WORST song on the planet, next to Indian Outlaw!. Great read!

Hi Tink. I used to love pimento cheese sandwiches...I hate 'em now, lol. I wish________________________ was 12 inches, lol. Thanks ricki and Idamarie. Glad I could get a laugh out of ya' in the middle of the day. Howdy, Blake. I thought the Kenny Chesney song was okay...the first time I heard it...but after that it was downhill. Consider this the silver lining of that dark cloud .

Corey

I guess I have to make a comment on this. I may try this version at karaoke. I think it would be fun. As for the 12" thing, it is like beauty, it is in the eyes of the beholder. You're not the holder of the right thing.
Good job
Darwin
P.S. food for thought: karaoke, is a Japanese word. From kara, meaning "empty". And oke, meaning "orchestra". That's not what I'd call it.

Hi Corey!

Me & the teenyboppin' Son have been ustin' Out Laughin' at the Supper Table this Evening...(La Femme kept a Straight Face, how I'll never know!)

What a Hoot!

Nice Medicine for a Dull Thursday!

"KUDOS!"

Big Thanks for This One,
Guy-Hug, too!
Stan

Thanks Darwin. You've got my blessing to hurt 'em with this one on karaoke night, lol.

Thanks Stan. Glad you enjoyed!



Corey

Corey...you're a dang genius!! hillarious!
first I got a little smile from Sunny and now a down right hee-haw from you. Man this feels good. Loved every inch!!
I can't get pimento cheese here in Minnesota and everbody looks at me like I'm nuts when I ask. I think I hated it as a child but now that I can't have it I miss it soooo much!
Gotta make a point about the original...said you couldn't get it out of your head...sounds like they did their job! (as long as GREAT songwriting isn't one of them...and I can't judge cause I've never been accused of that either!)
personally I love a song with the words "jug of sweet tea"
man I'm homesick!

Thanks for the pick-me-up. I really needed that!!

Ray

Just the best here..gave me a laugh in the middle of the night..(can't sleep). Oh and Ray, I have some pimento cheese watin for ya here in your hometown..come on down and get it!!! LOL...Jen (breezy)

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Jen

Thanks Eddie and Jen! I'm happy you got some late night laughs outta this silly thing. Yeah, if there's one good line in the original, it's the "basket full of chicken and a big ol' jug of sweet tea" line...makes me want to go on a picnic .

Corey

Hardee Har Har. This 'un's funny, Corey!
I think I hurt my ribs.

Ward

Thanks Ward! Now get some medical attention .

Corey

Just wanted to restate what everyone else has already said...this is sooooo funny, I really got a kick out of it...thanks for the laughs kiddo!
Mary

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If you write it . they will listen . but if you mean it . they will feel it!!!!!

"I have to flatter myself, if I don't NO ONE will!!"

Hey Corey, well this is definitely an improvement over the original. Hell you should have though of this first! Kudos to ya on this fun, fun song.


David

Thanks Mary. Glad I could kick you...errr, give you a kick...err, anyway thanks!

Howdy hotrod. Good to hear from you...thanks for the kind words!

Corey

Corey,
You certainly are deranged! A quality I can relate to and admire. Fun one here bud. Nice ANGLE for this one. Dan.

Yessir, Dan, I have a twisted imagination. Glad you enjoyed this little glimpse inside .

Corey

Corey this is a RIOT!! Great sense of humor and the talent to back it up! Thanks for the laughter! It's been pretty scarce for me lately. Excellent writing!!

Thanks bama. I'm glad I could lighten the mood a little .

Corey