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Niteshift is sandbagging, he's going to ride in here the night of the 19th and ride off with the Princess on his White Kangaroo...MJ

Just about a full time job, running this little contest Mike...Sub for Mayor...
just thought we could use a touch of humor...

Post deleted by Derek Hines

Hey here's my vocal revision today.
I am much more in pitch. I hope 90% or better?
Also tweaked the verses to have the short nice bite you were wanting, Sub.
I'm still having fun thanks for letting me play with your Play-Doh-
Don't forget I'm giving a bonus point for whoever figures out the background vocal at the end - it's not printed w/the lyric. Bwhahahahaha
Linda

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6353219

Oh there's a word for you
But it's not nice
I'm tellin you
Take my advice
You don't know
You're a nightmare
You better
Get outta here

Oh I don't know what else I can do
Cuz I've told you

I don't want you over
I don't want you calling on the phone
Tell you I, I leave guys like you
alone

I don't need your flowers
I don't want your letters
I don't want you callin on the phone

I don't need you
I don't want you
I'll never love you
And you can't take me home

Uh-uh
Not today
Cuz I called
911
Cop is here
He's got his gun
To take you away
Where I hope you stay

For a long lonely time and I tell you
That I don't think I'll mind, no I don't think I'll mind
At all

I don't need your flowers
I don't want your letters
I don't want you callin on the phone

I don't need you
I don't want you
I'll never love you
And you can't take me home

Joice - I found your song after I posted, missed it the first time - very nice!! I liked it.
Moker - I still can't find yours - can you re-post the link?

Mike/Sub - hey can you post us a link with your playlist, so we don't have to scrounge through four pages of posts to find everybody's songs? Would that be cool? That would be cool. If not, no prob, just asking!

See y'all around, and thanks again!

here ya go Linda, http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6342145
this was my first one and isn't what he's after...I haven't recorded my second lyrical try at this... once your at the link, scroll down , the lyric's there...

Post deleted by Derek Hines

Hey there. My Soundclick's having a problem - or something somewhere. In GarageBand I didn't have an echo. Exported to iTunes on the Mac - no echo. Uploaded to Soundclick, played for hubby on my laptop (PC) and it has this horrendous delaying echo. What's going on?? (ugh)





P.S. For the record - GarageBand is a TOY.
P.P.S. The stupid echo makes it hard to hear the very funny bckgrnd vocal sitting behind "I don't think that I'll mind at all..." Rats. Well let me know if any of you figure it out! Meanwhile after the kids go to bed I hope I can remix & reupload this thing so it sounds... less echoey.

Hey Moker, that was cool to hear your guitars going along with Sub like that. Fun stuff. Thanks for the link.
Linda

Oh, I get it...I thought it was a REAL idol thing which I avoid. OK, I'll play, gimmie a couple of days.........

cheers, niteshift

Ha! OK, the echoes are gone now. ~whew~ Mixing problem in GB. Forgot to mention, my RadioShack headphones busted this week too - so they weren't picking up that stupid echo. Bad setting.

BTW Mike, Sub, anybody? - if I were to invest $100-ish into a new set of phones what should I pick up? I can replace these under warranty but this is my 3rd pair to break in a year. And I'm not hard on 'em either. Thanks for any & all sugg's...

SO... if you're listening to the new one and it's really echoey, pretty please refresh your page to get the updated file. Thanks!

Linda

Something interesting happened while I was writing tonight..
Possible second hook.....

I can still see my beast in angel wings
standing there in low rise jeans
she means everything
I want her I need her

She carved her name like an autograph
in black across my heart
my names inked on her back
and I'm fading fast

I won't go easy
I won't tumble down
there's to much feeling
Rock Bottom is not coming 'round
it's plain and simple
there's no pullin out
I want you n need you
Rock Bottom is not coming now

My brain is fried I'm off to bed....I have no clue how this sings
but thought the Rock Bottom was interesting enough to post tonight. I kinda like it...tis catchy....LOL

Hi Moker

Much better lyrical images on this one, for fitting this song, I think somehwre in between your first version and this may be a good place. I can't explain!

I liked this one

like a stone is crushed to dust
there is nothing left of us

this one is too forced, like trying to make metal

so this is the end of our feast
the feeding off each other like a beast

It's very hard to explain what's not right all the time, when something hits ya it just hits ya.
The melody is so huge in all this, that's what helps determine the best way to go.

Hi Mark

Well put together but not enough edge for this tune....
"Take a chance on love" "take my hand" "I'd give my life for you"

To (Sweet) Stranger

Somebody give me a chorus! PS- Mark your first submission is in the top three...
That is based on your chorus melody....

Linda,

Much much much better!!!! Wow now that's taking some suggestions and doing something about it. Night and day difference,

Now you are in the ball-bark

The vocal was a huge improvement.. the verses were quite good the melody and phrasing worked nicely... you fell into a POCKET, that's what most of the submissions are lacking, a groove.

Now you have sections that are uncertain, like you have different melodies over the chorus one time and another thing in the next chorus.

Try to establish one set chorus, pre-chorus, etc...

a little more structure and consistency.

My songs are played in near PERFECT time, in other words you can cut copy your first chorus and put in the last chorus and will fall right in time with the track, I never speed up or slow down...

Seems like you have the verses locked in pretty good, reminds me of Heart
a little, I can hear Ann Wilson on it now your phrasing had that kinda vibe in the vesres, Think "Barracuda" verse wise, or "Magic Man"

That was the biggest turn around and improvement from one submission to the next yet so far...

Thanks for making such an effort on this... Great Job!

Hi Linda

Your Soundclick sounded fine to me....

I like AKG headphones most of all I have ever tried, especially the 141's
they are like having monitors on your head lol... No extra bass or highs, the highs on Sony pro phones destroy me.... I like phones like that for behind the drum set
because it's noisy back there and you can drown you r headphone mix out easier playing the drums...

Ut Oh! here comes the Niteshift...

I been waiting for you dude!

Hi Kathy

I'm trying to figure out how this sings as well

Don't forget your other version was singing pretty nicley especially in the opening parts of the choruses....

You commented on the comment but missed the lyrics...thanks...

IDK how you are keeping up with all this...it is a lot of work for you...especially with bruised egos...but if I get you right and we don't take it to seriously it should be fun...I have already written more stuff for this post than I have in a while...some of it I can keep to use later...or not...but writing to what someone wants is a task and a challenge of co-writing...why didn't some start a thread like this long ago...it really helps bring out the writer in all of us...took your advice and kept this a smaller contribution...


(v)
I carved your name onto my heart
Like an autograph
Without the fame
And I started to laugh

(v)
To wash away the pain
Y.M.E read your initial
Blue black and reddened ink
Wish I had used a stencil

(pre ch)
You’re my ----this works good on the dunt dunt dunt as well
Everything in the world
You’re my
Everything in a girl

Hiya Mike!
Thank you!!
I'm a freelance editor in my "other life" and the biggest thing I've noticed about whether a story writer will succeed is whether they can LISTEN TO and IMPLEMENT suggestions. For myself, I have *RARELY* listened to an editor's advice and *not* had my story improve as a result. Same thing works in music.

And I told ya I just needed to learn my own tune a little better.

OK - as for the chorus - I do play with melody ideas a bit while I'm writing/composing, until I decide which way I like it best.
I *know* your timing is dead-on perfect - you're amazing.
So.... which chorus did you like better? ...and I'll copy that one over.

I can do a quick copy/paste sort of edit this week, but a complete redo will have to wait till next week. I have a solo coming up for a church function next week that I haven't learned yet (just got the music) so that's going to take up my time for a while.

Thanks for the "groove" compliment too. Steve (my hubby) liked how it felt like it was cycling round and round. And yeah, I was going for a Heart feel, so, yay!

Linda

Sub,

I tried singing it...and its all over...so forget about it....LOL
I still like Rock Boottom...but its not working out like I thought it would....
I gotta go to work so, I'll catch yews lata!

Hi Ted

Sorry about that, i got so caught up in trying to explain what we are doing here and also with your explaination of what tha was.. which was GREAT by the way.

Now the lyrics: meter? what you have here could work but i dont think it has the flow.. watch!

I carved your name onto my heart
Like an autograph
Without the fame
And I started to laugh

I carved your name onto my heart
Like an autograph
Without the fame, it's not the same
And I started to laugh


To wash away the pain
Y.M.E read your initial
Blue black and reddened ink
Wish I had used a stencil Think cool, cool brother

This section I didn't quite understand..

Everything in the world
You’re my
Everything in a girl

I used the world girl rhyme once in my life and it was done on purpose
in a humerous type song to actually in the song pick on a songwriter for using it lol..

Rock is cool, kids want to be cool even if they are the opposite of it. Actually today
they are accepting the opposite as being cool. Think of Emo music etc...

Linda -

Okay yes the last chorus before the very ending is the most solid one I think and unique.

Try to get the timing better in the first verse you come in in the wrong place, by the middle of it the second half you strat to lock it in...

Watch a little on the pre-chorus sections The "Under Pressure" melody vibe is becoming to dominant and noticable, alter it slightly or as I say "hide it a little more " lol....

Great work! and don't neglect your responsibilties doing this, like I am!
it will be here, go now! lol....

Thanks!

Okay-

I'm pretty much gonna stick with my ideas for the verse both phrasing wise and lyrically.. I may tweak the angle one way or the other but the thoughts will be pretty much the same.

I would suggest focusing on Chorus & Pre-chorus

If I get a chance soon I will sing (for now) my verse and put it up so you can get a sense of the whole vibe better.

Thanks All...

Derek-

Your opening line chorus melody is still in my head, caught myself singing it after a 5 hour session of someone elses's music. Mayde the someone elses's music wasn''t catchy enough! lol... Only kidding...

Just wanted to tell you that it's sticking well and I couldn't let the little joke go...once it popped into my head lol...

I can't let my idea go until it's heard in context...

I'm sick today, and when I woke up there was really no voice...just a bunch of croaking. But I kept pushing until it started to work again...but I don't really sound like me.

Whatever, here it is.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=759055&songID=6355264

Sweet Stranger

So how did you find this place, sweet stranger?
Were you tempted by the face of danger?

You can try to hide your passion, but it shows
And you can walk away, but the moment comes and goes

So run with me now, sweet stranger
(It's gonna be all right)
Take my hand and take a chance on love
(If only for the night)
I'd give my life to you right now
Can you believe in me somehow
And run with me now, sweet stranger
(It's gonna be all right)

There's a tiger in your eyes, sweet stranger
And would you be surprised if I tamed her?

There's a reason why you came to me today
Yes, it seems to me that tiger wants to play

So run with me now, sweet stranger
(If only for the night)
So glad you came
Now tell me, what's your name?
(It's gonna be all right)
I'd give my life to you right now
If you'll believe in me somehow
And run with me now, sweet stranger
(If only for the night)

I have the melody for this one as well but I wanted put the lyrics up and then record the vocals tonight I hope so I can put it up tomorrow


The Falling Knife
Copyright 2008
Paul T Wentworth

The Sharp knife falls, now catch it if you can
Your dark dreams call to you to be a man
Why is it so hard to understand?
Why do you fight so hard against the plan?

Chorus
Relax and float away with me
We’ll Fly to places where you never dreamed you’d be
The Sky and earth, turned upside down
Don’t you see there’s no force we can’t find our way around

A billion stars Up in the sky
They burn with fire like you and I!

They’ll point at you and they’ll call you a freak
Cause You have found the treasure that they seek
All because you’re young ideas shine
No matter how they try they’ll never penetrate your mind

Relax and float away with me
See the world from a place you never thought you’d be
Sky and earth, We’ll turn them upside down
Don’t you see there’s no force we can’t find our way around

A billion stars up in the sky
They burn with fire like you and I

"Watch a little on the pre-chorus sections The "Under Pressure" melody vibe is becoming to dominant and noticable, alter it slightly or as I say "hide it a little more " lol...."

Yikes! Whoops, unintentional.
Good catch!
I'll check the timing, etc, all that when I get back to it.
Thanks!

Linda

PS Glad you're up & working - that's always good. We miss ya' when you're not!

Here's the song. That was definitely
not in my key as you will hear but I think I at least put the melody across
well enough. Maybe someone might be interested in singing the vocal again.

Regards....Paul



http://www.soundclick.com/share?songid=6356202

Ok, this is why niteshift has permanantly banned himself from being in front of a microphone.....lol......

Chorus only.....

I need you, you feed me
I breathe you in
I need you to believe me
Wrap your arms around my skin

I need you, you feed me
Let me in
I need you to believe me
Wrap yourself around my skin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=704874&songID=6356308

cheers, niteshift

Good evening everybody,

So Sub yer saying you wnat to stick with Down Easy as the title (for now) and go with the situation of he/she is having a hard time letting go of someone...keep on working that angle...I keep looking fo the twist there always is one....its jsut where is it naturally.

http://www.musiciansfriend.com/product/AKG-K-141-Studio-Headphones?sku=240247

Are these the right phones, Sub? I'm heading to Guitar Center this weekend, if I can get away. (toy store time!!!) Schedule's looking scary - but they're having a storewide sale this month.

Anyway - the reviews on these don't look so hot if you read at the bottom. But I trust your ears more than strangers'.


And BTW... did *anybody* catch my secret hidden line at the end of my version?? Aw, man....

Linda

PS: Sub, when you post your verses w/your vocal, I'll see what I can come up with for a chorus. ...Assuming this solo practicing for next Th. goes well - it's one of those that makes me bust out crying, so I'm really gonna have to work 'till it doesn't hit me so hard!

Can I play? I just got 4 lines.. then I get lost, lol..

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=100639&songID=6356535

Paul - Hey, I *like* your falsetto - sounded nice on those!
Nite - Nice melody! I like the lyric variation too.

Linda

Post deleted by Wendy D

OK...so it helps to have audio....follow the link Mike and see how this works...chorus and tag only...Ted

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=764848

( ch)
My chest is hurtn’ and turn’ blue
Need to cut you girl outta my life
Slice my way away from you
Ain’t no use trying to use this knife

(Tag )
Wish I had used a stencil
Or thought to use only your initials

Here is more Down Easy....Sub, I can't make my voice do what I want it to do, very frustrating... ....so here is what I got....I think this is it...unless I have an epiphany...LOL
oh, excuse the rehearsal line in the front of the track I forgot to erase it after I realised I was recording....

Thanks for letting me in on the fun.

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6357229
Down Easy

He carved his name on my heart
like and autograph
A name inked on my arm
thats fading fast
He's talking like leaving
he won't be back
How hard can a broken heart be?
let it go down easy

Oh I want to
I need to
let you go Down Easy
you say that you love me
oh, I'll stay in touch
Will you want to
will you need to
let me go Down Easy, Down Easy

Post deleted by Derek Hines

Dang Mark...I liked that song...you did good!

Linda - I wanted to get back to you quickly. is that price right $99.00 ???

Jump on that if it is.... Those are the only headphones I have purchased in 25 years.
The others I had or have were given to me..
AKG makes great stuff headphones and microphones.....

You hear yourself as you really are with them. Boy I wish I had $99 bucks man!
All mine are broken now... just like me

I will be back to listen to the submissions, I just did six hours straight with a 5 piece Rock band, my ears and eyes are shot..... I thank God that I could do it

Tomorrow it's a Surf Band

Just finished a Christian Worship Song Demo

Blues Song last night...

And get this I'm co-writing a Novelty Country Song, I got the lyric assignment mainly. Oh boy! I'm having fun with that, man it's hard writing in that style and way
also. Having to make sense ALL the time, and trying to be clever and witty, humerous in ever section.. It's the opposite of Cool, but it's cool to do as a writer

And I'm trying to finish 2 of my own, besides this one here. Lyrics are the biggest hold up right now on those two.

Go, Sub, Go!!! Great to hear that you have lots of activity going on.

I've fallen way behind listening to all the variations, maybe I'll get caught up this weekend.

Kevin

Derek: Man you pushed the envelope on this. Felt like you were gonna come apart at any moment. Kept me on the edge with your singing and phrasing. Lotta energy!

Great job........Paul

Post deleted by Derek Hines

Deerek that last one was cool at the end, singing harmony part...it was unexpected.....

Post deleted by Derek Hines

Okay tried one with the Go Down Easy hook.

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6336171

Go Down Easy
by the Mike Caro Group 2008

Your name upon my arm really turns me off (alt- is a total loss)
Gonna take a knife and cut it off

pre
Now I can see the venom in your eyes
And I can feel the poison of your lies

Let me go down easy
Don't laugh and don't tease me
You don't need to stay and watch me die
Let me go down easy
You're not here to please me
You only want to see me crucified

It hurts to tell you
Why must I tell you oh,oh

Can't believe I ever fell for you
Another heart to grind under your shoe

pre
And I would like to see the tables turned
And look into your eyes while you burn

repeat chorus

It hurts to tell you
It hurts to tell you goodbye

Hi Mark

Another Good song bro!!!

Very thorough and great use of combinations from the best of both drafts and songs.

This whole approach was something I like very much personally. It had an almost
a classic EAGLES vibe to it... how cool... Between the many harmonies (great job by the way) the lift on the "alright" part was pretty amazing.
And those guitar licks, gave that Eagles vibe, like "Victim Of Love" or few other classics. Even the verses had a Henley like vibe as does the lyrics, so ya know I love that!! The Eagles were truly GREAT...

I had some thoughts to write about this when Tripp my wife came in th room and said is "That's the same guy who sent "Why don't you, Why don't you"....right?

I said yes it is... She said I thought so... Right there I knew the similar hook but that songs lyric approach was easy to remember she did from 4 days ago.

She said yes the first song was easier to remember.

The whole thing has flow. it's smoothe and never really awkward.
I think it makes a great alternate song idea.
Still your first one was edgier and that is the goal of the song (I think) lol...

Mark - GREAT work overall really, you were already at the top of the heap as it was..

Ruby says Hi! as well

Hi Paul

Thanks for joining us.....

Some very good images and lines in here, you are one of the closest in the style of your lyrics to fitting the songs vibe.

A billion stars Up in the sky
They burn with fire like you and I!

See the world from a place you never thought you’d be

Why is it so hard to understand?

Nice!

look forward to the melodies....

Good work Paul... I know how hard singing is...

Pretty good flow, and nice move on the pre-chorus
Some timing isues but nothing that can't be adjusted.

Biggest set back would be , not memorable enough. The hooks weren't strong enough.

Stii good work!

Hi Nite

I'm so happy you realized and joined us...

This was a pretty good Chorus, the bibe of the words were close, but would need to be a little more effective, but mostly the melody was in the pocket which is key.
It was slightly similar with some of the others as well as ones in my head..
That is what Mark was trying to explain we are gonna cross over each others pharsing even if we dont listen to anyones ideas, chord changes do that

This one can use a little more in the main hook, can't put my finger on it but your
close....

Good work bro!