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I'm supposed to write lyrics about Phoenix or rather its Persian equivalent, Simorgh, that matches an existing tune. I've indicated what I could make out of the recorded music. Here's my draft, comments and suggestions are welcome. Simorgh is female whereas Phoenix would be either male or neutral.


[pre-chorus/intro]
in times of mourning and sorrow
without faith, times of fear, despair, and cries

[pre-chorus]
although all hope may seem to
go up in flames - nothing's lost - when the Simorgh dies

[chorus]
and yet again - you will see
that she will rise - yes, she will rise
from the ashes
from the ashes

[verse 1]
noble bird - comforting sight - where she's flying
brilliant colours - graceful creature
shining feathers - bright plumes - mournful cries
her song would bring - tears to men's eyes

[pre-chorus]
although all hope may tomorrow
go up in flames - nothing's lost - when the Simorgh dies

[chorus]
and yet again - you will see
that it will rise - yes, it will rise
from the ashes
from the ashes

[verse 2]
she would roost - in the tree of life
that would shake - when she'd take flight
and spread the seed - of all known plants
and spread the riches - of the land
leaving it - for men to tend

rising high - she would behold the fertile fields
and the earth she shields
spread her wings - and wheel in the sky
view the world - with generous eyes

[pre-chorus]
although all hope may tomorrow
go up in flames - nothing's lost - when the Simorgh dies

[chorus]
and yet again - you will see
that it will rise - yes, it will rise
from the ashes
from the ashes

[verse 3]
she has lived - and has witnessed change
and all the wisdom - of old age
she gathered - in her course of life
she has seen - emperors rise
and reigns pass - people's hopes soar
times of peace - and times of war

[... outro]
although she's burning - in the flames
she'll stand up - and live again
although she's burning - in the flames
she'll stand up - and live again
she'll stand up - and live again - for a thousand years

the chorus should always read:

and yet again - you will see
that she will rise - yes, she will rise
from the ashes
from the ashes

The "it" is due to pasting text from the former "Phoenix" version.

... that bad?

No this is very good allthough some folks may not appriciate its
classical format I love it. A sugestion, for a thousand years she lives again. Are you from Denmark?

Thank you, "Maurer51". "Classical format" or "classical subject"? Its structure (format?) was actually unfamiliar to me with an intro that's identical to the pre-choruses, an outro, but no bridge ...

Meanwhile I've decided to stick to "Phoenix" as title and change the gender to neutral again because Simorgh is not known in the Western World. The second verse actually has nothing to do with Phoenix, but then, I doubt that anybody will notice.

I've written a second version that I've adapted for myself to eventually make a folk tune. That's even more traditional, each verse with six lines and the same rhyming pattern..

I'm German, by the way.

Thanks again, and see you around,
Bernd

I am only the second generation of my branch of the Maurers in America. My grandfather came over from Switzerland in 1903. Danke Shon.

Bernd, you are writing to a tune we don't know, so we can't tell you if the lines fit. Although most of us know that the Phoenix dies and then rises out of the ashes, if there is more to the legend, then I am guessing most of us don't know it, so we don't have too much of a reference point.

You mention that the second verse has nothing to do with the Phoenix, if so what is it about and why is it in the song? Again we have no reference point, so we can't comment on the content.

I do like the third verse the best and the chorus seems like it would work out OK.

Thanks Jean,

you're quite right -
this is the music the lyrics are meant for. I've not had any response after sending the artist my suggestion, so may be there will be no cooperation after all.

Simorgh/Simurgh is the Persian equivalent to Phoenix. The tree of life refers to Simorgh, there is actually nothing much to the story of Phoenix ...

Meanwhile I have written a version for myself that I've posted on
my lyrics pages.
And this is the version that I actually sent Rastin (I've made it Phoenix again instead of Simorgh, and altered verse 1 that I considered the weakest part of my first version):

Phoenix

[intro/pre-chorus]
in times of mourning and sorrow
without faith, times of fear, despair, and cries

[pre-chorus]
although all hope may seem to
go up in flames - nothing's lost - when the Phoenix dies

[chorus]
and yet again - you will see
that it will rise - yes, it will rise
from the ashes
from the ashes

[verse 1]
noble bird - comforting sight - where it's flying
brilliant colours - graceful creature
such wondrous chants - subtle tunes - are its cries
that use to bring - tears to men's eyes

[pre-chorus]
although all hope may tomorrow
go up in flames - nothing's lost - when the Phoenix dies

[chorus]
and yet again - you will see
that it will rise - yes, it will rise
from the ashes
from the ashes

[verse 2]
it would roost - in the tree of life
that would shake - when it'd take flight
and spread the seed - of all known plants
and spread the riches - of the land
leaving it - for men to tend

rising high - it would behold the fertile fields
and the earth it shields
spread its wings - and wheel in the sky
view the world - with generous eyes

[pre-chorus]
although all hope may tomorrow
go up in flames - nothing's lost - when the Phoenix dies

[chorus]
and yet again - you will see
that it will rise - yes, it will rise
from the ashes
from the ashes

[verse 3]
it has lived - and has witnessed change
and all the wisdom - of old age
it has gathered - in its course of life
it has seen - emperors rise
and reigns pass - people's hopes soar
times of peace - and times of war

[... outro]
although it's burning - in the flames
will stand up - and live again
although it's burning - in the flames
will stand up - and live again
will stand up - and live again