David,

Some good advice here.

Some additional food for thought:
This line:
Where the crickets still sing lullabies to your dreams
It sounds good. Then you realize the crickets are singing your dreams to sleep. Maybe the crickets could sing lullabies as you dream?

Dropped to knees, right there where I stood --- to...
Dropped to my knees, right where I stood?

This is an excellent story as it is.

Dave smile