Hi Lisa,

"No one seemed to care" is also a line there that occurred to me, where you had "not a soul cared." It infers that somebody had to, but none stepped forward.

"why don't you ever cry, Raju?/You know no one will free you"

Thinking..maybe "it's okay to cry.." that way whether he cried or not before is skirted? there's something about telling him "you know no one will free you" that almost seems cruel. Maybe make that his inner thoughts, instead?

I think it's a beautiful line that you have ("why do you still cry, Raju/we are here to free you"), it just "stops the flow" momentarily, in order to understand its implications.

Mike

Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 05/26/15 09:56 AM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)