I figured something out.

Mermaids are the reason men say pussy tastes like fish.

Think about it. There’s actually some logic here.

A bunch of pirates dated mermaids, somebody started talking, and the rumor spread for 500 years. That’s how rumors worked before Facebook.

I think Jimmy Buffett knew something about it.

Some secrets you just take to the grave.

Serial killers always say when they finally get caught, “I’m glad to get that guilt off my shoulders.”

That has absolutely nothing to do with mermaids. I just thought I’d mention it.

In other news, police departments released a new crime-fighting strategy today:

“WE WILL KILL ALL DRUG DEALERS ON THE SPOT.”

They’re putting it right on the police cars.

Apparently “To Protect and Serve” wasn’t getting the message across.

Officials estimate a 70% drop in overdose deaths and a 100% increase in drug dealers suddenly deciding they’ve always wanted to sell insurance.

The FBI has joined the program. Mafia members and cartel members are included.

The joint statement was very short:

“We will have no mercy.”

Well, at least government paperwork is finally getting shorter.

This just crossed my desk:

All banks are merging with churches so the banks won’t have to pay taxes.

The bankers and the Pope reportedly agreed it was a wise decision.

The banker said, “We deal in money.”

The church said, “So do we.”

The banker said, “People give us money and hope for a miracle.”

The church said, “Holy [naughty word removed]—we’re already in the same business.”

Meanwhile, a shocking leak came out of divorce court.

Apparently all the divorce laws were written by lesbians.

If you bribe the bailiff, they’ll even get you a lesbian judge.

Women everywhere celebrated.

Men had no comment. We’ve learned that lesson already.

One woman leaving court said, “If that judge can save me $500,000, muff diving is not completely out of the question.”

“My place or yours?”

“My place.”

“Wasn’t that your husband’s place?”

“Not anymore.”

And finally, Elvis Nash released a statement today:

“I’m doing pretty well considering the quality of these jokes.”
He also commented humor is always the best medicine
It started when the first caveman lost his dinosaur in divorce
You will die at 6 years old without sense of humor.
He also stated Judgment day starts every day about 6am
He blamed that fucking Mister Jones again and his stuck up wife
For some reason she thinks bolts ons done in Mexico was a great idea .

He then addressed women directly:

“You women need to work on communication. Men have been trying to understand you for thousands of years.”

Women immediately responded:

“We communicate perfectly fine.”

Men asked, “Then what’s wrong?”

Women said, “Nothing.”

And that concluded the investigation.

Last edited by bennash; 4 hours ago.
We’re all built from the same dust and dreams,
Different roads, but the same means.