Hi Bobby,

This is uncanny. Tink and I have a lyric under way right now that is really similar to this. It's an older lyric that we're finally getting around to finishing.

It similarities are uncanny, from the soldier gone to war, to the note, to the soldiers return.

We even had the soldier pass away at the end in an earlier version.

The difference is in the hook (Everything is Gonna Be Alright) and the concept is that the woman is pregnant, waiting for her husband to return from war.

I like the way your chorus ties in with every verse, and I like the way it ties in with the last verse now that they are old and he's already passed.

The line "The hill now takes her breath away" is a great line showing her age.

Sort of an unusual structure with four verses and a bridge.

The third verse takes quite a narratrive jump into the wedding. I wonder if you could fit in the soldiers return.

Some sort of , "And on the day that he returned, hearts jumped as they were wed", sort of thing.

The other thing I notice is that length and story wise, although I really like the last verse, it's not completely necessary. You could remove it completely and with a few modifications that bridge would still do it's job... I think... So, if it becomes a problem when this get's music, you might consider that.

One last thing, the line "Each day dragged on forever" seems a little clunky, how about, "Each day seemed an eternity".

Okay Bobby, that's it from my end. I think this is a good story with a solid beginning, middle, and end, with a solid, heartwarming resolution. The idea is quite good.

Other than that little narrative jump to the wedding which is an easy fix with a little thought, I think this is well on it's way. [Linked Image]

Curtis

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