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Lot Long
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/10/26 11:20 AM
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240 |
So much to observe in one setting, Ken....I'll print it off..and look at it better... I do know..there is a Lot of beauty in here.... I'm thinking, though there are parts that actually could be pruned...to allow more of the beauty...to shine through.. I'm staying put....this has me hooked.....so off the top of my head.....at first reading... I'm not sure...verse 1..adds a whole lot.... I think a little reversion in verse 2...would act as a set up verse..(see below...). I'm guessing Stella..and Bruce are brother and sister of the male character in the song.... I'm not sure...that adds to it...other than maybe a bit of personal history..... Just my gut feel there....i could very well be wrong. and although I got the word Masonized....it took my mind..traveling a little too far..and a little bit too cutesy for the rest of this song.... Maybe start with a verse two... Yikes...******Yikes....I'm not sure of that either.....because I'm not sure...even in keeping verse 1 and 2...in tact..or getting rid of verse 1... that the first chorus follows the thought process of the initial verses as well as it should... whereas verse 3 and 4...( I might be calling these wrong.. the stanzas after the first chorus) sets up for the chorus much better...the storm makes more sense here....... I'm seeing a Lot of beautiful in this..Ken.. I'd just look for places where...does this add to the song, does this follow through in the thought process....and...with your melody...how long do you hear this.... very best to you....w/hugs Kaley 
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