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SHINE
by Rob B. - 08/20/26 02:34 PM
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 1,214
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 1,214 |
Ken: I have to agree with some of the others above, there are a lot of words here, and so many images that they don't coalesce into a linear story. I don't care for "glistening" as an adjective for a firefly(Rose) I think "flickering" or "twinkling" is more descriptive of how they appear. "Flaying" is another adjective that I think is off. Maybe "raging" or "swaying" might work. I'd get rid of the poetic verboseness and just tell a story about real people. /Glen
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