This doesn't seem like a worship song to me, but it has the good beginnings of a testimonial sort of song.

Write down the story of the sinner, what the sinner has done, the things to be ashamed of . (you don't have to put them all in the song, it's just to make the story clear in your own head.) Then speak to God about those things.

One of the accepted things in Christian belief is that although we are supposed to try to be the best we can be, God loves us as we are. I don't think God minds our ignorance or confusion that just comes from being human. I think the thing that is offensive to God is when we deliberately and knowingly turn from God's ways.

Perhaps if you include the ways in which you turned from God and ask pardon for those and then end with your desire to be the faithful servant as you have already done in this version, that would strengthen the song.

I don't know about the "Dear God." It makes it sound like you are writing a letter. ( Although a letter to God might make a pretty good song too,)

I am unsure about the "Hey". It sounds a little too light hearted for such a serious topic. Good luck with this, UN. It isn't that easy to write a good religious song.


JeanB


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