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Lot Long
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/10/26 11:20 AM
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,427
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,427 |
Hi Ricky, This is a tough subject to write about but it's looking good. I had to read it a few times to decide who the (you) was. To begin with a thought you were talking to the abuser, lol since they can't move I thought you had arranged that for them! If you can squeeze (your) into this line I think it would be easier to follow...I SEE FEAR IN (your) BLACK EYES The next thing, I wonder if you need (alone now) in the chorus? You have that line and the next ending in now. I just can’t see where (alone now) is needed and to be honest it doesn’t make sense there TO ME. Of course it could just be me!! I do look forward to hearing this, as I said it’s looking good!  Dottie
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