Originally Posted by Scott Campbell

Funny how things work out, Ian - Verses 3 and 4 were done first and are my favorites smile

I like v3 a lot. I think it would be a great start to a song. The problem is, I can't see it leading to V1 and V2. It's like they're from different songs.

V4 is OK and perfect for a valentine. I hope your wife liked it!

This is some good writing Scott, it's just not gelling for me as a cohesive whole. I think you should work on it some more.

I think the problem is that those 1st 2 verses are believable/mystical/magical/mysterious things that most people accept as REAL PHENOMENA. You make it the focus of your lyric and then seem to abandon the emphasis. V4 might be a logical conclusion... but I think you at least need to work on a different V3 (Maybe save the current one for a different tune?).

This Is REALLY good writing Scott. And it's an incredibly tantalizing start. I hope you're not mad at me for not thinking it's finished!

Peace,

Ian

Last edited by Ian Ferrin; 02/18/12 03:55 PM.

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