Originally Posted by MusicJams
Originally Posted by DonnaMarilyn
Good call, Fran. I was hoping you'd get rid of it. wink

Donna


Hi Donna, do you think this would work??
I would appreciate any suggestions, from
you and other songwriters for this verse.
Thanks..

V1)
Called, and said she loved me
That she was on her- way home
It was the last time- we'd talk
Before everything went- wrong

PS, I know this can be a good lyric when finished.

Speak soon,
Fran Williams


Fran, one possibility might be:

She called to say she loved me
Just before she left for home
It was the last time we'd talk
Before everything went wrong

This implies either that she phoned before getting into the car, or that at least
she wasn't on a cell phone when the accident happened.

I realise there are 2 x 'before' in the verse, but I think the repetition serves to contrast the difference in the nature of the events.

I feel 'called to say' is more poignant and dramatic than 'called and said'.

Anyway, just a thought. smile Others will no doubt chime in. wink

Just thought of another possibility.

She called to say she loved me
And was leaving soon for home
It was the last time we'd talk
Before everything went wrong

Donna


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.