Tom,

I was really getting into this light rock groove. I love this type of music--this is a great write. Cool subject with neat lyrics and nice melody that stays with you.

I wouldn't mind seeing you skip the short interlude between vs. one and two, since you have breaks between all subsequent verses and chorus. I also think this may allow the listener to more quickly "get into" the song better as well.

With this style, (not imperative) but it might be cool to have a short dramatic "mystical" bridge after the last verse--which would give you perhaps an opportunity to expound maybe on the girl. You could then follow with a tag of the chorus and either fade or use a sustaining ending -- or just end with that bridge alone--just a thought, as you have more song time available.

It's great the way you have it, a couple of ideas, but super nice job man!

steady-eddie.