Hi John,

Well written lyric and rather unique in it's presentation. I like V2 and how we learn about the young man via the narrator talking in general about war heroes and and how young boys dream of becoming one, and I understand the young man in the song must have these dreams as well.

The rhyme scheme is rather curious. V1 rhymes lines 6 & 8, but V2 does not rhyme it's last line (unless one compares to line 8 of V1), nor does the bridge rhyme its bottom line. I was desperately trying to make the word "yield" work at the very end of the bridge, to no avail.

Something about the writing in the bridge bothers me a little..like..it's told too matter-of-factly or something. Would the boy, in that situation be 'learning' what the narrator says, or feeling some much more intense things? On the other hand, I 'get' that the narrator is using understatement and referring to things that happened indirectly as in V2, so in that sense the narration is very consistent.

The song delivers fairly well on all accounts, imo, it leaves much of the details for us to fill in, but hits the important things, and is a rather sad story, considering that it seems he was overwhelmed in that battle and had no chance..but these are details I'm filling in myself..and I'm happy to do that, cuz the song needs to be a tad allusive, considering the subject matter..

Really good work here, John. smile

Mike



Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 05/06/16 03:52 PM.
Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)