Ladynred,

I don't necessarily see anything wrong with your construction but if you don't mind I would like to ask you a question: When you "constructed" this song, what did you hear? In other words, what genre did you write it for; who do you imagine is singing it and what kind of style? And more important, what was you driving idea- what was burning inside you that had to be expressed?

It's hard to explain what I really mean by construction because I am not talking about rhyme patterns or verse, chorus, bridge chorus form etc. I am talking about how you "built" the lyric-what was your blueprint-what was the driving idea. For example everybody knows the song "Cat's in the cradle". Chapin constructed the song as a progressive narrative through the life of a man who is disenfranchised from his son. Each verse shows how he put another nail in the coffin of his relationship. And it the final verse the irony is so stinging, because Chapin has woven a "thread" through the lyric and we didn't even know it was comming. "I'm gonna be just like you". The son did model himself after his father and the irony is crushing. That of course is an extraordinary song but we have to study the master songs so that we can identify the blueprint they used to build their master piece.

"Love on the line" is a whole lot more powerful as a metaphor if you use it to mean Love at risk because you have created dramatic tension. Somebody has to make a decision or something will be lost. "Love on the line" meaning love on the internet is clever but comparatively trivial if you don't take it anywhere else.

As far as my "bias" is concerned, that's why I called it a bias- I know my opinion is not particularly relevant. I work at a college in Fort Worth and I think the students talk more to each other on the phone than they do in person so I am not discounting the probability that distant communication is as valid as face to face conversation. Hell, I doing it right now.

"Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein