Hi Ladynred

Ok let me try to bring some encouragment here.

Samuel isn't trying to tear you down he just has an opinion. I have learned his critisisms are meant to push people to write better. So I can see how he might have seemed harsh but he was truly trying to help.

Now for my part of this

I too have a marriage from an online relationship we have been married 6 happy years. We didn't take a long time to make a face to face connection and we moved rather quickly. That said I couldn't have hoped for a better wife.

About your lyric

I see some real great possibilities here. The online love piece makes it commercially viable. One thing I might say is that you might change your hook to: Love on line on the line. I know it sounds a little redundant but trust me the aliteration is worth it and in really it is two differeent meanings. Also I think condensing your words and expanding the story might be a good idea. If your open to that. As a side thought there is someone on lyric forum 3 who is really good at helping with rewrites.

About music for your lyrics.

I do write my own music. I usually sing it as well ( not well mind you) but I am good at coming up with melodies.

Also want to point out

Now too offend Brian (sorry Brian0 But lyric feedback forums one and two are pretty dead most of the time. If you want lots of feedback somewhat quickly I'd use three

And finaly

Welcome to JPF hope you'll stay a little while.

Derek

All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346