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néomí
by Gary E. Andrews - 07/24/26 08:58 PM
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275 |
HiDee Again, Mz Gale!
Spoo-Kay...yet a fine Love Story, if ever there was!
What Gary Said...ya needs to condense-a-bit...say The Same Thing in Less Words.
V1 Sug f'rinatance: Each Friday, out my window, I glimpse Mr Jones All Dressed-Up for Dinner, he sits..eats it alone Stacks-Up the 45's..on..his old phonograph "Howcome all the Music?" my nextdoor neighbor asked
'Said his Mrs passed last winter, cold November day Except for Friday nights, the ol' guy seems O.K. That was their night-together, He'd take her in his arms Now he plays Waltz-after-Waltz, but..it don't do no harm
(77 Words..vs..96 as-penned.
V3, the "her" is uncertain who Her Is...so I'd recommend sheddin' some words & just say "I used to watch them..had to take the chance"
Overall, Fine Plotline...Good Writing..keep at it..& Good Luck!
Big Hugs, Stan
Last edited by "TampaStan" Good; 03/22/09 10:32 PM.
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