JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 2 Lipstick On His Collar

Hi, Geneva. I agree with Wyman. On his cheek makes more sense. He could have been wearing a shirt that still had the lipstick. I think you could leave out the neighbor. You mentioned finding editing a challenge. That's not unusual. They say Irving Stone was a great writer but had trouble editing his own work. (I think that is how he met his wife. She became his editor. Something like that.)

Anyway, I really like this story. It's very cool and if you don't mind, I tried my hand at editing it and added a little something, hopefully in the spirit of the piece. Keep the edits if you like them, no strings attached. Or, of course, toss them out as you see fit.

Lipstick On His Cheek
©2009 Geneva (Nightengale) (You should add a copyright notice to your works.)

Lyrics

Verse 1
Every Friday night at supper time, we could see old Mr. Jones,
He got all dressed up for dinner, but always dined alone.
Then he'd play some scratchy records on an ancient phonograph,
and waltz around embracing a gilt framed photograph

Vesre 2
His wife had passed last winter, on a cold November day,
and except for Friday nights, Mr. Jones still seemed OK,
Friday night had been their night, and we thought it did no harm,
for him to "Waltz Across Texas", like he had her in his arms.

Chorus
We used to see them,
when the shades were up by chance,
60 years together,
but still they loved to dance,
They waltzed every Friday
It happened every week
Then Mrs Jones stood on her tiptoes
and kissed him on his cheek.

Verse 3 or it could be a Bridge

They said he died last Friday, His arms wrapped 'round her photograph,
The record was still playing on that ancient phonograph
They guessed that he'd been dancing just like he did each week
But they couldn't understand why there was lipstick on his cheek

Chorus
We used to see them,
when the shades were up by chance,
60 years together,
but still they loved to dance,
They waltzed every Friday
It happened every week
Then Mrs Jones stood on her tiptoes
and kissed him on his cheek.


PS: You could say sundown instead of supper time.