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Lot Long
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/10/26 11:20 AM
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 9,649
Top 20 Poster
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Top 20 Poster
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 9,649 |
Bobbie,
What a super song you have here! Like Blake, I agree the "finger snap" line somehow seems awkward. The only thing that comes to mind is:
...."Our turn on earth passes by so fast
Before it's our time to go"
It's not particularly "catchy" or anything like that, but it might be something to consider. It's the best I can come up with at the moment.
The flow works for me as is. And, I like the way you used "Though war's so hard to explain." I really don't like to differ with Blake very much because he's so darned good, but this time I will...sorry buddy!
Other than the finger snap phrase, I don't see where you need to change anything at all. Really nice!
Alan
------------------
When you talk, you say something you already know...
If you listen, you might learn something new.
[This message has been edited by sideman66 (edited 03-23-2003).]
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