You have a working hook which is "Love on the line". It has at least two meanings but you didn't take advantage of that fact. So, if you are new and want some advice about writing commercial lyrics, I'll tell you that you need to exploit your hook for all it's worth. Now in your lyric, if you develop the story so that in the second or third verse you make something happens to put "love of the line" mean "love in jeopardy", then you have written something that goes somewhere.

Personally, I am biased because I think on-line relationships are a poor predictor of a face to face relationship and probably distructive of it. Just take a look at the last two episodes of Dr. Phill. [thrid episode is today] An 18-year-old girl flys from the US to the war wracked mideast to be with a 22-year-old dislusionary Arab. In the two weeks he has seen her in person (they had a 2-year online communication), he has physically and verbally abuse her and has basically created a Stockhom syndrome in her.

for me, the answer to your question, "Could this long-distance romance have a chance?" is: no.

Oh, and one more piece of advice. You have to study music- if you don't, you have no hope of ever getting a lyric cut. I don't mean you have to go out and learn to play the guitar or piano. I mean you must listen in a focused way to music. Learn to identify the verse, chorus, the bridge, the pre-chorus, the lead solo, the harmonies, the tempo, the style etc. If you will listen with enough focus for long enough, your writing will start to pattern the songs you hear. By pattern, I mean how they are constructed. If you are a total newbie then I would take your favorite song and write brand new lyrics to it. That excerise will force you to lean to write within the restraints of good song construction.

"Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein