I like what this lyric is saying, but as I think you alluded to, it ends up sounding stilted in some lines in order to meter correctly. To cite one example,

There's not even one little thought
We either one can have
that doesn't somehow become
Just exactly what the other had

is better expressed as

There isn't one thought
Either one of us can have
that doesn't become
what the other just had

The trick is to figure out how to say what you want to say without it sounding too formal. But then again, judging by the responses you've gotten already, it seems most people like that style, so perhaps you're on to something with it.

I like the title line too, but I think you should make that the theme of the lyric. Talk about how these peoples' lives are a tapestry, and how different events and shared experiences are different threads in it. Just a thought. Hope I could help you a bit. Good luck with this one! [Linked Image]

Anthony

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