Dan! Thanks for the time and comments. I had almost not posted this lyric for those very reason...so thus was very surprised at how well it did go over...it is certainly a lyric to stop and consider before much more time or money spent on it. I'm still awaiting my musician's call on it, though.
Graham, Darn it! LOL And here I thought I'd really done a good rewrite! LOL No, I thought you'd probably say something about being too complex or something of that sort and I think that is about what you said. Reckon this is one of those lyrics that is going to be best at its' original writing? I know there are a few occasions that too much indepth finagling can "ruin" the story line and most likely the whole lyric. Perhaps you're very right to keep it tight and simple. I'm still awaiting my musician's call on this one...I really want to know if the singer can handle the meter differences... Thanks for the comeback, I really appreciate it.

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