Originally Posted by E Swartz
Hey Nelson,

Good to hear from you again. I always know I'm in for an interesting ride when you post. I agree with many of the above comments concerning an outstanding write. I'll just point out two possible things that I would experiment with if it were my song--not really nits, but what I think might give a little more build and drama to the song and arrangement.

With your chorus, (I'm not sure) if I would break in the middle, rather, and may save that break for your bridge. I would drop the "Well" on line 5 and continue the established pace & lift which will get you through the chorus a bit faster, as it is long, and especially long with the middle break--but maybe I'm thinking too conventional, as I know sometimes it's fun to break with convention--just "not sure" I like putting the brakes on in the middle of the chorus. Anyway just food for thought, and it certainly isn't imperative. Did you experiment with this song 3 or 4 bpm faster--not sure, but I had a feeling that it might be cool.

With your bridge, I would consider discarding the 3rd line, and really "dramatizing the 2nd line, then capitulating with the final 3rd line--in this manner, the bridge becomes more "climactic" and then your softer chorus outro will contrast that climax and summarize the song better--IMO.

Bridge Idea:

So here I am, with my heart in my hand.
But if you rather not see me, you know I'd understand! (go up on see)
And girl you have my promise, I'd never let you go again.

I'm always impressed with your writes, and love your unique vocal presence. Nice job Nelson! If I'm not clear on an idea and you would like to contact me, that's fine PM. I'm hearing a real cool dramatic tweaked Bridge in my mind.

steady-eddie.


Steady Eddie
Appreciate you stopping by and taking it for a spin.
AS usual, you've noted some interesting nits and crits.

I experimented with a lot on this song, not sure about the 3 or 4 bpm but tempo in general, as well as timing, 3/4, 4/4, 6/8. I think I'm crazy for 3/4.

The real experiment on this one was having a more substantial piano presents through out, which is tough not being a pianist.

Thanks again for your time and input.