Hi Boo,
I had to reach back in memory for some of the terms--I little bit's coming back to me now.
It flows along good. A little "limericky' maybe as someone said
As far as the tone and resolution--No, I don't think it's right.
The bridge and last C leaves her as an object of pity to me and
kinda 'kills" the rest of the song for me. Though I haven't , right off, a way to do it,I'd rather see her "redeemed" in some way---given some hope.
JMO though
Y
(Is that last box of G S cookies going to waste? <G>)